I left a bad marriage of 18 years. He was my highschool sweetheart and we have two daughters together, ages 16 and 14. I am still overwhelmed with horrible feelings of guilt and remorse. Sometimes I wake up in a panic and feel like if I had only tried harder in the marriage, I wouldn't be responsible for hurting my family. I have done many things to improve myself that should make me feel very proud, but somehow I feel like I've committed a horrible crime. I quit drinking completely, entered the work force after being out for 14 years, bought my own house, put my children in therapy (and myself off and on) yet for some reason I have days where I'm debilatated with these overwhelming feelings of guilt and remorse. I know I shouldn't live in the past, and feeling this way is extremely counter-productive and damaging, yet I just can't seem to break out of it. Is this normal? Will time heal? Is there a good book someone might suggest? Thank you so much for any help that can be offered!
If putting 18 years into it is trying than what is? Who has been hurt in all this? Are your children not able to come the grips with the divorce. Is it your ex. I bet the guilt is coming from someone else trying to make you feel guilty. A bad marriage is very vague. What did he do or not do to force your hand? I'm sure you did give it every change known to man. You just sound like you would do that. You can't be responsible for someone other than yourselves happiness! Not even the kids. Please don't feel guilty for going on with your life. We all wish we could do that right now. Go and enjoy this good life you are building for yourself and your girls. You sound like a person who survives a plane crash and feels guilty because they lived through it and others didn't. Iwish you peace and much happiness
Thanks Kathleen, what you said helped a lot. The only person that is making me feel guilty is myself. I think I have selective memory about the good times I had with my ex. When I focus on remembering the whole picture, I can't stand the guy! I also didn't anticipate the divorce being so hard on my kids. My parents divorced when I was a teenager and I just didn't want that for my kids (which is another source of guilt). Anyway, thanks for caring :)