How do you fall out of love with someone you have loved for 7 years? Someone that you married but hurt you. You know you can do better for the way you have been treated but my heart just aches tonight. I need to move on but am still in love. I guess I am getting a divorce

Broken, I wish I knew the answer to your question. I have no idea how to stop loving my husband of 32 years. He is the boy I fell in love with at 20 years old, he is the father of our 4 children, he is the grandfather to our 2 grandbabies. He has shared every aspect of my life, been the center of my world for more than half of my life. He was a good husband, suddenly he wants to be free, to see another woman, or maybe to "Shop" around. I had no idea that he wasn't happy. My future is shattered into a milion pieces around me. None of my options are good ones. He says that he will always love me, that we will be the best of friends. But that is not what I want. Maybe we will find the answer here.

What is it with these idiot men that they think we want to be friends with them after they leave us for another woman? Are they all really delusional?

Barb, apparently so! I got the same song and dance from my ex...it was all to salve his conscience, of course. None of it meant anything.

Alone,

I hear what you are saying and I understand why you want your husband and your life back. I wanted that for a long time and now still have moments where I wish I could some how fix it and we could go back to the way we were.

But it really gets to me when these guys (my soon to be ex also) says we can still be friends. We will be in each other's lives forever. That he will always be there for me. But NO! Not really. If he were going to be there for me he wouldn't have walked out in the first place. My best friend is the one who shares happy moments, and is also the one who stays up all night with me while I cry and pace the floors.

I worked a job I hated for almost 3 years while he was unemployed so that he could take his time and find the job of his dreams. He did. Then he said, its your turn, quit your job and find one that you love. Only when I quit my job he left and now I am working a temp job and scrambling to find anything permanent full time. Granted he continues to pay the bills while I am looking but it doesn't really matter. I don't want his money anymore. The emotional cost is too high. At this point I just want to find a job so he can go away and I can move on with my life.

Friends? I don't know if I can ever get to that place.

Yes, I understand. He has always made 85% of our income. I was at home with our kids for 16 years, a choice we made together. When I went to work it was to supplement his very good income, for extras. Now, in 4 years when my support is done, I have no idea how I will keep a roof over my head and eat to. He says that I have time to figure that out but how. At my age, I really don't want to go back to school and couldn't afford it if I wanted to. He has also suggested that I find a second job, (difficult after working full time all day,), or move in with one of the children. All are unacceptable answers meant to make him feel better about my options. I am so afraid of what the future holds for me.

I know what you mean, Alone. I have always worked just part time for the extras. He has agreed to pay support, possibly till I can start collecting his retirement that I get half of and his 401K that I get half of---if it all works like he says now. Papers are still in the process, so anything can happen. Then there is the matter of health insurance. I will have none. These men are so selfish they don't care that we gave them the best of ourselves for most of our lives and now they just take off and leave us with nothing.

Thank God I do have insurance. I have worked full time for the last 15 years. But my income is very limited. I had planned to retire in 2 years when our youngest is out of college, I have always been very traditional and planned to spend my time cooking, baking, watching my grandchildren, and if I had any time left over, maybe a part time job or volunteering. I guess that could sound selfish but husband was always on board with these plans. Now my dreams are gone and I will be forced to give up most, if not all of the special treats I've always been able to give our children.
The worst part is the house. It has gone into major disrepair due to what I believe are husband's depression issues. I have begged for years to fix it up but he always said we would get to it soon. It is now in horrible condition. I can have the house, but it will not be totally paid off for 9 years, 5 years of making payments myself without support. And it is really not livable without repairs for those 9 years so after them what would I be left with anyway. My other option is to pay rent every month for the rest of my life, which eliminates any possibility of ever retiring. Then there is te option of marrying again. I truly hope that will happen for me but of course, I do not want to go into it just for financial reasons. This a the hardest decision of my life but I am expected to make it alone without any help, to make it quickly, but I am frozen for lack of a decent option.

Alone, I am going through the same thing with my house. My husband always promised to fix it but never got it done. Maybe he suffers from depression too, I just don't know. I am probably going to have to sell this house 'as is' and that is a huge blow as we will lose half our initial investment. This is money that I will need to provide a new home for our son and I or to at least have a cushion to fall back on. The future looks very very very bleak for me now.

Hugs to you and everyone!

We're selling the house and I'm filing bankruptcy. If THAT isn't a blow to one's ego!!!!! I've never, ever missed or been more than a couple of weeks late on any payments. EVER. Then he leaves and here I am. So no way I can buy another house. Rent-yippee.

Yeah, Jerk says I can always call him if I need anything. Yeah, I want him to think I NEED him for something? Not happenin'.

Broken, I am so sorry that you are so sad. I feel the exact same way and just don't understand any of what I am going through either. I guess I am getting a divorce too and it breaks my heart.

Big hugs to you!