It's been a tough week, one of the worst of my life. So many times the past week I have felt like I have just taken a jump from a cliff without a parachute or net below. The fear and anxiety has just about eaten me alive many times and it has been all that I could do to hang on for dear life and crawl out of the black hole I keep finding myself in. The worst part is that I have not heard from my H and it is like he disappeared off the face of the earth! It is agony being in limbo and not knowing anything. I tend to think his silence speaks volumes and that it's over but at the same time I do have a bit of hope that it is not and that he is ashamed of himself, that he knows he burned bridges. But then again, probably not. He is showing he could care less. I think I will just feel better when I can talk to him again, instead of living like he has died and we'll never see him again. It still blows me away that he could spend so long without calling his son.

I had a great talk with my H's brother last night, he was very kind and sweet to me, but I have not heard back from him or any of his family, so I figure that is that. It's clear that they will not get involved. They have let me down kindly but gently, but let me down they have. I never thought people could be so kindly cruel, but there it is and it stings. I also think my very good friend who has been there for me for days, weeks, months through this is finally tired of the whole thing. She said she was going to bed early tonight and I felt so lost tonight without her, she has been a lifeline, just like the ladies here on this forum. I would have been lost forever if not for all of you. So thank you all for being there and Big Hugs to all!

I began my journey to where I am now knowing that his family would not be with me. Blood is thicker than water, as the saying goes. When it comes down to it, his family will be behind him all the way. even though he was the one who brought us to this point.

It is now almost 1-1/2 years since he came home with the news about this terrific woman whom he could tell anything to. He refused to stay away from her, knowing it was killing me inside. In the beginning, he said he was going to continue to go out with her and call her. Then it progressed to where he would only talk to her at an event they both attend. All the while, knowing I was going through he11 because of his actions, he continued to run over to her like a lovesick school boy every time he saw her. It tore me apart inside.

Now, 1-1/2 years later, we are divorced and I am settling into my new home. I really like my house a lot and my life isn't a whole lot different now than it was before. Except that he's not here. He spent the past couple of years totally ignoring me and leaving me alone. His friends and his life were so much more important than anything I could come up with. I was simply the live-in maid, doing his laundry, cleaning the house, paying the bills, etc. I had no value at all to him.

I'm just beginning my new life alone. So far, so good. I no longer jump every time he comes into the house. I'm no longer being yelled at because I am trying to pay the bills. I'm no longer hearing him say he's going to call to have the phone disconnected, or the electric, or the heat. I'm no longer afraid of his violence and threats to kill me and burn the house down. I'm sleeping much, much better at night now.

Incredibly, in spite of all that he put me through, I am still shocked that he would let it get to this point where after 32 years of marriage we are divorced and living apart. No, I most certainly would never want to go back to the life I had before, but none-the-less, I'm still shocked that he never once said he didn't want the divorce, didn't want me to leave. Crazy - huh?

I wish I could be as strong as you this is my thrid day with out him and I am dying. And what upsets me even more is that he is with a women who is 20 years younger then him. I never knew I could hate someone. But I do hate her for going with him knowing that he is married. and the pain he is causeing me and my family.

Masoul hang in there. I know it is hard at the beginning but as days go on you will the difference in your life. For me he had a girlfriend for 2yrs before I threw him out. I feel my house less stressful, my kids are happier. I don't dwell in the good times since we never had any, I dwell on the fact that I am struggling financially and he is doing very good. Stay strong and you will see as days pass you by that it will be easier, I don't know if you have kids, but if you do hold on to them and you will see your life turn for the better. Take care ladies and stay strong.

Masoul,

I am so sorry you are going through this. Sadly, many of understand what you are feeling because we have been there too. It makes me SO mad too. You know if that girl was not interested, your husband would be home trying to work it out. I don't know how women can do this to other women. But one day he will do the same to her and she will be the one crying.

Be strong. Hold onto your family, your friends, your faith, and to the women in this room. Scream, cry, curse, beat the walls if you have to. But that feeling of total devastation, feeling like you can't carry on another second, it will begin ease and soon you will raise your head and notice that life is still worth living, and it may be even better than it was with your husband. In time you will wonder why you hung on to your marriage for so long. Your happiness is on the horizon you just have to wait for the sun to come up again.

Teresa

Amen, Teresa. I needed to hear that too.