On our anniversary last year (would've been our 20th), WK and I were working together peacefully, his ***** was nowhere to be seen, and her name never came up all that day...yes, I'm still kind of in mourning for my marriage, and my anniversary. Some days it sucks, other days it doesn't. One thing, though - I console myself that our wedding day was one of the most beautiful, perfect days I've ever seen.

The day he married her, it rained, then snowed, and there were gale-force winds...like the Universe itself was saying 'Don't do it!'

I feel like it is some cruel April Fool's Day joke.....Last year I didn't think about it at all, this year well. I don't know what is going on.
He has put me through so much in the last year I guess I am morning the person I married. He WAS wonderful then.
It was COLD the day we got married. I remember being uneasy and sick. His family well his Mother made our wedding so difficult. From the day we told her we were getting married she was a b*tch. Called my Mother horrible names, challenged every detail we planned and threatened not to come because of one person we invited. So I can't even say I morn the wedding itself. I would have been happier if we would have run away. HA now I know I would have been happier if it never took place at all. I miss some of my in-laws, I miss my not so little anymore nephew that used to curl up on my lap and sit for hours when we got together on holidays or picnics, I even miss my little bratty nieces with whom I would play Barbies with when I watched them. Now they all hate me, my one niece called me a wh*re and the niece I took in and raised for 2 years turned her back on me. I found out the other day she is expecting her first child, it breaks my heart that I will never get to see the baby or be able to kiss her and tell her what a wonderful Mother is will be when the child comes, she is so deserving of a good life....She still holds a special place in my heart even though she hurt it. Maybe I'm not so much morning my marriage as I am the people that it brought into my life that were wonderful and I cherished?
Life is harder some days then it is others.

This is normal for a woman who loves so deeply. I can't begin to tell you how much I loved my ex up until the very end. I was like so many women here who say there is no way I will ever be able to stop loving him, no matter how much he could ever hate me...but that is not true. In time(it has been almost 6 yrs. now since my divorce)things will slowly change if you do not hang on to the past.

Your love was true and deep and it took time to grow over the years and now it must take time to die as well. You can not feed it with hope and wishful dreams or nurture it with to many past memories at first. An Anniversary is a time to mourn, yet celebrate the good memories and that is a hard habit to break, but with time and healing it does happen.

I know because for the past few years I don't even remember it is my anniversary until maybe a few days later or so. I used to remember the exact day we met in April and other things, that for the life of me, have drifted away because I do not ponder on them or value them anymore. I have other things to value now.

But as for your question...Yes, what you are doing is a normal reaction that will someday turn into better thoughts and better memories on a better life with new dates to remember and celebrate. I went through a lot of tissues on days like this, but not anymore, WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT?

PS. I still miss some of my relatives from his side as well, but that is the casualty of divorce and it is something we have to accept in time.

Susan

You know I don't morn the wedding anniversary, I morned the day he left. That was the worse month of the year so far. I know it has only been 4 month but it was like we were back together, we fought and argued all month long.

Hi Lisa H.,
I understand what you are going through. I was the one that left also. I think sometimes we mourn the dream of what we wished our lives had been like, what we wished our husband had been, instead of mourning the actual person. I struggle with selective memories of the good times and sometimes feel so much guilt and pain. Nobody walks down the aisle with the dream of divorce, I think it's just painful letting go of what we "wished" and dreamt that our lives would be. Sometimes I feel lost or out of place in my new life, but I know I am stronger. Hold on to your achievements and having the courage to let go of a fantasy and living your life authentically!

OK, so I didn't leave the marriage voluntarily, but I'm going to chime in anyway.

I believe it is VERY normal to mourn on this day. Think of all of the hopes and dreams your wedding day held. Did you used to do special things on your anniversary that made this day even more special to you? Just because you knew you couldn't or shouldn't be married to him anymore doesn't mean the emotions evaporate into thin air.

For me, my anniversary was always a disappointment. I'd plan things for us to do and he'd find a way to destroy it. I learned to HATE our anniversary. He informed me a couple of years ago of how awful our wedding day was, too. I thought it was beautiful and worked very hard to plan a special day for us. I paid for it myself-worked a second job to do it. So the memories of that are tainted as well. At this moment I don't mourn anything about Jerk. I'm sure when I can quit living in survival mode and my life is a little more settled I'll have the time to think of happier days. For now, those happier days don't even exist in my memory.

I fell this way a lot sometimes. I love finally being able to do what I want and not wan makes my husband happy but there are times I don't really know who I am or what I am to do.
I'm in a relationship and maybe that is why I feel so bad morning my past life and the people who were in it? I don't know.
I have been self doubting my life for the longest time now and always second guess my decisions.
I seen my ex last night at drop off and I looked at him, just so see what I felt (without him seeing) Nothing. I felt absolutely nothing. I thought either love or hate would be there but there was nothing. I think the hating him stage may be coming to a close...I still hate what he did to me and what he continues to do to me but now I see that he is broken, a sad excuse for a man and there was no feeling.
Thank you al for your responses. It helps to know I am not a crazed lunatic all alone in this world.
I think today is going to be a good day and I need it after the week I have been having

Lisa H., it really hasn't been all that long for you in the realms of life. I can understand your wondering if you may be having feelings of guilt due to your present relationship. You were with your ex a long time, you have children together. You had hopes and dreams for forever and happily ever after. As much as we'd like to just be able to hit the off switch, there isn't an off switch. Cut yourself some slack for your mourning of the anniversary. I'm looking forward to the day when I look at Jerk and feel nothing. Right now I want to rip his eyeballs out-or castrate him-whichever would cause him more discomfort.

I'm sure by next week I will feel the same as you do again. It has been a back and forth deal for me. One minute I feel sorry for him ( he is after all the loser in all of this) then I feel hate him for what he has done for me ( my own little pity party) then I feel doubt in myself (I see the hurt my kids are going through and I feel that I put them through it) But feeling NOTHING is turning out to be great right now so I am going to let it ride and see how long that wonderful feeling of indifference lasts.

Hi Lisa,
I completely understand second guessing yourself. I was the one that left, am in a new relationship and also have teenage daughters. Sometimes I feel like I wrecked the kids lives and am ridden with guilt. It sounds like you are doing good today though :) I am having a good day too! It's like emotional storms brew up, but just like the weather...this too shall pass. Hang in there!
Tammy

Funny you should say that "This to shall pass" My Momma tells me that every time I am having a bad day. Be it with the divorce, the kids or anything else that is going on in my life. Today would have been our anniversary and really there is no emotion about it...just another day. I guess my moment of weakness has passed, Thank God