I will never understand how my husband would not work on the marriage after 20years together. He said couseling would be a waste of time and he would be giving me false hope.He also told me he had feelings for another women at work but she is engaged to someone else and I did speak to her and she says she is not attracted to my husband. But he says she has nothing to do with it our break up he is just not happy but I believe his feelings for her are part of the breakup. I feel he should of at least tried for our children but he would not try anything. I guess it is some midlife crisis he is going through Now he is into god and church and astrology which he never was. We are in the middle of the divorce and we still have to live with each other so its hard and he controls all the money he does all the food shopping now I am not allowed to do that I have to make him a list and wait for him to go and he gives me nothing. I do have some of my own money which is good I am on ssdi but its not that much. He is playing games with the divorce he doesn't want to settle anything or pay me any maintance. He was leaving in sept but now he won't leave until the house is sold it just sucks I could go on and on there is alot more to my story but getting a little out helps me I am just hurt by the whole situation. And the best part nothing seems to bother him I just don't understand how someone you've been with for 20yrs married for 10 just doesn't care anymore.

I truly can understand how you feel...Mine not only walked out on our 27 yr marriage but also walked out on his 4 kids...Told my 23 yr old he couldn't break his mistress heart by dumping her but had no problem duping his daughter & his only grandson...Get a lawyer & go ahead an set a court date he may not have a choose when the divorce is final & my be put out...The court should award you the house especially if you have children....It makes me sick how they not only leave us but want everything their way...They are all so self centered with themselves that they don't think about who they are hurting...Don't you wish if we knew they were going to leave us, we would have done it first & watched their ego break because they have no heart...Hang in there it will get easier with time with the anger you build by their curlity...

Im in the same situation. How they can just stop caring all of a sudden. When I tlak to mine, I dont even know who he is anymore. If I believed in such things I would say hes possessed. It actually freaks me out to talk to him. After 22 years I never knew how Hateful and Cruel he is deep inside. I hurt so bad I dont know what to do. Hetoo everything...apparently been planning this for a while and I didnt even see it. You are not alone. Men, I will never understand them.

I'm certain that Jerk has been planning this for years. And, yep, that hurts. How could I have been so stupid? But he's gone now.

Hi Annie,

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. Would it be possible for you to rent a small place to get away from him and start building a new life? In my seperation, I left my husband the house but he had to pay me off on 1/2 the equity and then I just rented a duplex. That turned out to be a very wise decision because 1. I couldn't afford the mtg pmt by myself 2. I couldn't have sold the house in this market anyway.
I just don't want him to be calling all of the shots. You have the right to make your own decisions. He can't not let you do anything and if he tries to, get a legal seperation prior to the divorce and start receiving child support now.
Take Care,
Tammy

I wish I could leave with the kids but if I leave we will lose the house because he cant pay the mortgage and child support and I could use any money made on the house I don't have any savings. I just have to live with him and deal with it. I use to argue alot with him but no more its not good for the kids and he is tape recording our fights and my phone conversations he tapes everything its such an invasion of privacy there is no reason for him to do this i dont drink no drugs no partys nothing bad goes on in my house. i think he is trying to make me out to be the bad person he is up to no good he is a creep I am a great mother he could never prove otherwise I took care of the kids for 13years not him if he trys anything he has a big battle on his hands. thanks everyone for the support and advice its nice to have people to tell my story to.

Hi Annie,
It sounds like an intolerable situation! Do you have enought equity in the house so that you could refinance? I'm just worried about the housing market right now, it's such a hard time to sell. Do you have family that you could live with? Things can get so crazy around this time, that I just want to make sure you and your kids are safe. If a lawyer is too expensive, you could go to a divorce mediator or try legal aid. Someone that knows all the ins and outs of this situation would be a life saver to help you navigate through the mess. I'm sorry, hang in there!
Take Care,
Tammy

No there is not enough equity in the house so the only option is to sell and the market does suck right now Ihave no family to live with it. I do have a lawyer i borrowed money from my stbx's father it shocked my husband when he found out but his dad wanted to make sure his grandchildren and I would be okay he was such a good man he just recently passed away who I miss he would always pray for us to work thing out. So I have a lawyer they want to have a 4 way conference which I already did and got nowhere but maybe this time will be different otherwise I will be in court. I will probably be stuck with him for awhile. I know things will get better once he is gone

I hope you have an attorney representing you. This guy sounds like my husband. So controlling! (My husband also did the grocery shopping)I don't know if your children are still at home? You must have a disability to get SSI so I assume can't work. Just because he doesn't want something doesn't mean it's not going to happen. This is a long term marriage. I don't know about your state but here you would most likely get spousal support for at least 10 years. Maybe longer if you are disabled. Stand up to him. Make sure you don't agree to anything that isn't set by the courts. He is actually going to be the big loser in the end. I will pray for you.