I fell this way a lot sometimes. I love finally being able to do what I want and not wan makes my husband happy but there are times I don't really know who I am or what I am to do.
I'm in a relationship and maybe that is why I feel so bad morning my past life and the people who were in it? I don't know.
I have been self doubting my life for the longest time now and always second guess my decisions.
I seen my ex last night at drop off and I looked at him, just so see what I felt (without him seeing) Nothing. I felt absolutely nothing. I thought either love or hate would be there but there was nothing. I think the hating him stage may be coming to a close...I still hate what he did to me and what he continues to do to me but now I see that he is broken, a sad excuse for a man and there was no feeling.
Thank you al for your responses. It helps to know I am not a crazed lunatic all alone in this world.
I think today is going to be a good day and I need it after the week I have been having

Lisa H., it really hasn't been all that long for you in the realms of life. I can understand your wondering if you may be having feelings of guilt due to your present relationship. You were with your ex a long time, you have children together. You had hopes and dreams for forever and happily ever after. As much as we'd like to just be able to hit the off switch, there isn't an off switch. Cut yourself some slack for your mourning of the anniversary. I'm looking forward to the day when I look at Jerk and feel nothing. Right now I want to rip his eyeballs out-or castrate him-whichever would cause him more discomfort.

I'm sure by next week I will feel the same as you do again. It has been a back and forth deal for me. One minute I feel sorry for him ( he is after all the loser in all of this) then I feel hate him for what he has done for me ( my own little pity party) then I feel doubt in myself (I see the hurt my kids are going through and I feel that I put them through it) But feeling NOTHING is turning out to be great right now so I am going to let it ride and see how long that wonderful feeling of indifference lasts.

Hi Lisa,
I completely understand second guessing yourself. I was the one that left, am in a new relationship and also have teenage daughters. Sometimes I feel like I wrecked the kids lives and am ridden with guilt. It sounds like you are doing good today though :) I am having a good day too! It's like emotional storms brew up, but just like the weather...this too shall pass. Hang in there!
Tammy

Funny you should say that "This to shall pass" My Momma tells me that every time I am having a bad day. Be it with the divorce, the kids or anything else that is going on in my life. Today would have been our anniversary and really there is no emotion about it...just another day. I guess my moment of weakness has passed, Thank God

OK, so I didn't leave the marriage voluntarily, but I'm going to chime in anyway.

I believe it is VERY normal to mourn on this day. Think of all of the hopes and dreams your wedding day held. Did you used to do special things on your anniversary that made this day even more special to you? Just because you knew you couldn't or shouldn't be married to him anymore doesn't mean the emotions evaporate into thin air.

For me, my anniversary was always a disappointment. I'd plan things for us to do and he'd find a way to destroy it. I learned to HATE our anniversary. He informed me a couple of years ago of how awful our wedding day was, too. I thought it was beautiful and worked very hard to plan a special day for us. I paid for it myself-worked a second job to do it. So the memories of that are tainted as well. At this moment I don't mourn anything about Jerk. I'm sure when I can quit living in survival mode and my life is a little more settled I'll have the time to think of happier days. For now, those happier days don't even exist in my memory.