For me in my heart it was final the day he spent the night with a woman in a hotel. He swore nothing had happened and I was scared of being alone I believed him and the marriage continue. When it came to intimacy we were great there. I was even with him during our divorce process until I found out he was with big foot. So he was with me and then would go with her. It went on like that for 5 months. I thought I loved him but now I know I was just use to having him here. You see the flea had affairs all through our marriage. To my accounts he had about 8-10 during a 20 yr marriage. when he had a girlfriend I could not do anything right, when he was done with that woman, he would be husband of the year. He would go out with us, and be around us all the time.

Barb, I can almost ditto your response. Jerk was contolling and I didn't really realize it. That kinda freaks me out...that I allowed someone to have that much control of my life. I also tried to keep from ticking him off. I still cringe when I know he's going to be upset-which has been a lot during the divorce process because he's not getting HIS way. To my knowledge there wasn't infidelity, but that wouldn't surprise me one bit. He had plenty of opportunity and there were times I suspected it. He, of course, always denied it and I couldn't ever find any proof of it. My marriage was 14 years.

Wow............it amazes me how many of us were trying to please them, when they were doing nothing to please us, or meet our needs. Is this true of most of us?

I wonder how many women have been treated badly, the men are ending the relationships and the women being left, are still in love with these men and heart broken from their breakups? I was there once, in those shoes. Cheated on, treated like crap and still didnt want him to leave. I still wanted to stay with him THEN. Is that not crazy? Are there other women reading this right now, that still want their relationships, even if they are so bad and doing nothing good for YOU?

I was pretty happy until 1 1/2 years before I kicked him out. One day he told me he wasn't sure he wanted to stay married. I told him to let me know when he figured it out. A year later and he still had no answer. Told him to see a counselor and figure it out because I couldn't continue to live like this. 3 months later he finally starts going to one. In the meantime I started to resent all the things I was doing for US/Him. Had to go to a counselor myself just so I could hang on to the hope he would pull his head out and see that we DID have a good marriage by most peoples view. Every day of the last 8 months I was having to bite my tongue to not say nasty things.