It's been a really tough week. My oldest is sinking rapidly and Jerk is getting jerkier (as though that's a real word). He called yesterday and left a message-he had a question about the CS check. So I returned his call (got voice mail) and went on to tell him of the challenges MY son is having. (I did my part-I informed him.) He returned my phone call and had some questions about MY son. Some pretty dumb questions like "Would it help if I were to see him more often?" I'm thinking 'Nah, run out on him like you did me.' Really? How does that old song go? "Here's your sign."

Of course he couldn't resist the temptation of bringing up my proposal and how he won't sign the summer visitation part. I told him fine, call his attorney. He wouldn't let it go. I wonder how many times I told him if he didn't like it he needed to call his attorney. I don't know how far he's willing to take this, but his proposal is NOT in the best interest of MY kids, that I do know.

The worst, though, is that Jerk knew I was taking MY son in for a suicide assessment at the behavior health hospital but, more than 24 hours later (and I saw him at MY other son's concert tonight) he hasn't even asked how that went? Really? He is SO concerned about his children that he doesn't even ask how it went. That might be why I consider them MINE. (Went fine. I really didn't expect they'd be overly concerned, but my son is extremely introverted, so when he says he wants to kill himself and later I see him comparing the kitchen knives, it gets my attention. Had I not taken him and he hurt himself, I couldn't have lived with that.)

My house ALMOST sold, until there was something in the disclaimer the buyer didn't like.

We are finding out at work that there will be paycuts and we will be cutting some positions.

When it rains it pours, and I feel like there's a flood at my house.

Hang in there Becky, you are a strong woman, and keep your kids close to you. How did your son evaluation went? Keep an eye on him. Jerk doesn't know what he is missing, those kids will grow to become great persons and then he will want to be a father. At least your kids know you are there for them.

Thanks for asking about my son's assessment...more than his father bothered to do. It appears as though he is in no immediate danger, so I'm pushing forward with all of the counseling and other evals I've already started.

Becky, I'm sorry for what you are going through! Sending BIG Hugs and prayers your way!

Becky,

I remember some hard times where the rain was pouring and I didn't know if most of the water was from the storms or my own tears. There are times you wonder if you can even take the next breath because it feels like the world is sitting on your chest. Days where everything just seems to fall apart all around you and you begin to wonder... "Where do I even begin?"

But as I look back I can see these were the times that gave me greater strength and helped my faith to grow. God allows the fires to purify the gold the Bible tells us and I can tell you I went through some hot, burning fires before I came out on the other end of my divorce.

Things slowly worked into place and the Lord brought me through kicking and screaming at times, but I made it...and in one piece too. Hang in there. You are in my prayers.

Susan ... ....

Great words said Susan...I loved the end about God, that is were I have put all my hope & faith in to get through my divorce & living nightmare on how my husband has treated his mistress & her kids better than his own true blood...He has all but divorced them also...Hang in there Becky I believe brighter days are in stored for all of us if we just put all our faith in God...

Sorry life is so hard for you now, Becky. Hang in there. I will be keeping you in my prayers. Your mention of water made me think of my new coping device. I have been reading the book Fearless by Max Lucado. In one chapter her talks about the night that the disciples are in the boat on the Sea of Galilee and there is this horrible storm. They are terribly frightened and then they see Jesus walking across the water to them. They think it's a ghost. And Jesus says don't be afraid. I am here. Then Peter says, if that is you, command me to come to you. And Jesus says come. Peter walks on the water toward Jesus. But then he looks away from Him. He sees the waves and he starts sinking. Jesus has to rescue him. But the point Max Lucado makes is this: When you are in the storm, don't look at the water---look at Jesus. I have had to repeat that to myself when I start obsessing over all this divorce crap and OW thoughts and financial worries. Don't look at the water. Look at Jesus.

Thanks, Ladies. I do have a lot of faith, and have had some pretty amazing spiritual experiences. If it weren't for my faith I couldn't get out of bed, put one foot in front of the other or function in any other way. You all know how it is...sometimes it just piles up on you and you don't know where to start cleaning up the mess.

Becky I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I to have a son with problems. In my case my son is an adult and his problems have gone on far to long and gotten more serious. (he is OCD with major anxiety to the point that he doesn't live a normal life). Husand never wanted to face the problems and help him and I made the mistake of waiting for him to step up. (yeah I know, I feel like a failure as a mother to this child, my precious son who truly has a beautiful spirit.) Now, it is undecided but I may be left to deal with his issues by myself.
I can tell by all your posts that you are a strong woman. You will make it through this and your son will too with your help. Keep your faith, pray for even more strength, and look toward a brighter future. I will continue praying for you too as I pray for all the wonderful strong ladies here.

It helps so much to hear from the wonderful women on this site. Thanks.

In regards to your being a failure as a mother...it is so hard with some of these issues to know what to do. If I didn't work in a school system I'm not sure I would have known where to find the resources. We do the best we can, make the decisions that we think are the best at the time. Don't beat yourself up. Be there and do what you can now. Love him unconditionally. Whether he shows it or admits it, he knows.