Wow, your story sounds so familiar. It normally takes an abused women on average 6 times of leaving befor they leave for good. It took me three, but 23 years.
I left the first time when I had three under 10 and swore I would never go back, this was a lie I told myself. He somehow convinced me he would change, he never did, it actually got worse to the point I was supporitng the entire family and ended up supporting him with spousal support when I actually did get enough guts to leave.
He made my life a living he*** my entire adult life and it did not stop after I filed for divorce. I was followed, threatened and drug back to court some many times, just so he could prove who was still in control. One day he called 170 times, took the cell phone bill to court to prove harrassment, I answered and hung up each time to get it on record. I let him scream each time long enough to show on the billing that he actually made contact. I got my restraining order from all contact, including the phone.
My adivce to you is to leave, your children will thank you for it in the end. My children were much older when I finally left for good and they, living with us, told me that it was a marriage made in he*** and never should have gone on as long as I waited. I knew the torture he would put me through if I filed for divorce and I only anticipated half as bad as he actually was and half as long as he actual fought me for the divorce and spousal support.
Keep away from him, his apologies and promises to change, he never will no matter what he says.
I'm done with him this is been ongoing for 4 yrs now, and the 5th time. I knewit would take a lot of courage and that nothing will ever change. I want my kids to have a happy life and our marriage was not what my kids needed. I let my kids be a part of his life just not mine. I've told him that. I think it finally set in a few days ago and its killing him. He can figure out how to pick himself up all by himself. It's strange tho all the other times I'd cry and miss him, but I no longer know the person in front of me so I don't cry very often and its like a sense of relief. Now if the divorce were just final I would be so happy. I'm tired of the threats, and him trying to make me feel bad and like it's my fault. This isn't my fault and it took me this long to realize it. And that's the sad part. I know that my kids have suffered and I'm thankful that they are all small enough that it won't affect them as much as it would if they were in their teens. Just pray for me, and the strength and courage it takes to leave someone like this.