I'm sure I got out because I wasn't even thinking straight! I had the IV taken out of my arm only minutes before, pain medication really threw me for a loop... I wasn't even able to finish my sentences. But that's what he is doing, he is blaming me and saying I shouldn't have gotten out of the car. I really don't think I was in the position to make decisions? Or take the blame?

I'm not putting myself and my children through this just to teach him a lesson, I truly don't think that I deserve such treatment, and don't think I should be married to a person who would treat me this way.

Ladies, someone else chime in here and tell me not to give in to him wanting to come back. I really am so far into this relationship that I don't know what's good and bad anymore. It's sad to say, but I believe a lot of us have been there, right?

I plan to start going to a class/group called Divorce Care next week. Have any of you done that? I hope it helps me figure out where to go from here. All I know is I need for my children's lives to turn out well. They've seen me cry too many times. I don't want them to think that's ok.

I may be rambling a bit... my mind is all over the place. But I know you all understand..

Leeann,

I am sorry you are going through this difficult time. I don't think anyone can tell you if a divorce is right or wrong for you. Some of the ladies in this room are going through super human efforts to save their marriages. However, the fact that he could let you get out of the car in the middle of the night while you were under the influence of medication is a big red flag. Was this a one time event or does he have a pattern of dissapearing when you need him?

Think not only of your safety, but where you want to be in five years, ten years, fifty years. If he isn't there now in a crisis, where will he be as you get older and eventually begin to have health problems? Is he going to be there to care for you in your golden years? Think, talk with counslers, your pastor/preacher, and take your time making a decision.

This is definitely not the first time he hasn't been there when I've needed him. I have quite a few health problems, and had emergency surgery about a year ago. He wasn't there. He came when it was over with, and blamed me for him not being there. Said it was because I also called my mom to be there for me. Said he felt like he was in second place. But it wasn't about him, or about her. It was me, I was sick.

That's one thing I've told him again and again, I am so afraid that he won't be there for me when I need someone to make medical decisions, etc. for me. Because that can happen in the blink of an eye! He SAYS again and again that he would be, but he's never been so far. And gives me no reason to think he would be in the future.

I have been to counseling recently about our relationship (he wouldn't go), and I'm sure I will return. I'm amazed at how people on here care about one another. You don't even know me, and you're giving me heartfelt advice. Thank you. It is very nice to see that people care. I am the one seeking advice today, hopefully I will be able to contribute to others in the future.

Personally, I wouldn't let him come home...not now. I don't necessarily think you should file for divorce right now, but I think it will be easier for you to think more clearly if he is not there influencing your every thought. Jerk wasn't quite that bad, but a close second. He could NEVER put me first. He left town right after our first child was born via emergency c-section. He was gone for a week. I learned right then and there that I would need to raise my child without him, and basically I have. You have taken good steps by seeing a counselor-GO BACK! You will be attending a support group. These things will help you think clearly and make decisions that are right for you and your children. One thing I always think about...is this how I want my children to grow up? Do I want them to think it's OK to treat others this way? Do I want my boys to treat women the way their dad treats me? Absolutely not! If we accept it, our children see it as OK. Hang in there and let us know how things are going for you.

One more thing...I love your subject line. Now and again I'll call my sister and tell her what I want her to say or do before I say anything else. She does the same with me. Silly I know, but it always makes me feel better when she has confirmed what I already knew.

Stick to your guns...A man that can let you out right out of getting out of a hospital ain't worth it...I went to the divorce care classes and loved it...I promise you will be divorced adventually or miserable in your marriage...Get out why you can with your dignity...No man is worth it if he can leave you out in the cold leaving the hospital...Good Luck

I would stick to my guns too. The flea(ex) left me alone for a week with my daughter taking care of me and my son after I had a hysterectomy. I just have walked them, it took me a 2 yrs after that to leave. Think about what you are doing, but if he is not there now what will change later.

I have been there ( never dropped off and left in the cold) but my ex was a miserable SOB when I had my surgery. He refused to talk to me for 2 weeks before my surgery, was an ass driving me to the hospital the day of and got mad at me because I spiked a HIGH fever and wasn't allowed to go home, for my own safety. He treated me like something he stepped in for at least 8 weeks after my surgery because I couldn't do anything.
I tried to change his attitude, got depressed because first of all I went through a very long, hard recovery and I was to busy worrying about how he was going to be when he got home to just allow myself to heal. I ripped some of the staples out of my stomach because I carried my 8 month old son up to bed because he refused to do it. talk about pain...it slowed my healing time down by at least 2 weeks. I couldn't move for 3 days after. He was beyond a SOB...he was less than human at that point.
Your ex is a jackass!!! When I read your post I got angry not just at him but at the hospital...they should have never let you leave with a IV narcotic in your system. My hospital refused to allow me to go home for about an hour after they gave me pain meds because of the effects it has on your brain...
Your ex should have never LET you get out of the car knowing that you were not thinking straight (not that I wouldn't have done the same thing)
I can't help but think that you should let him come home...not because he deserves it but because if your married for 10 years you can take him to the cleaners so to speak....no I change that I would kick his ass out so fast his head would spin. Let him sleep in the cold, see how he likes being left when he needs something.
((Hugs)) to you because I know exactly how you feel being left when you needed him most. Hold your friends and family close you will need their support.

LeeAnn, I so feel what you are going through. I was a research patient and it has been 8 years since the doctors told me, and thankfully they were wrong, that I had 2 to 4 years to live and they wanted to do a needle biopsy to confirm their diagnosis. They told me to go home, take care of anything I needed to do, such as a living will, and return for the biopsy.

I was so scared. Not of the biopsy, but because of the diagnosis.

I begged him to please come to the hospital to be there for me. He refused. OK, I have to admit that the research hospital for the biopsy was 900 miles away. He said it was too far away. I begged him, please, I'm scared. I'm so afraid. For the two weeks at home, every time I walked into a room, he'd walk out. Whenever I tried to talk to him, he walked away. Absolutely refused to talk to me.

So I went alone. It turned out they were not able to do a needle biopsy because of some obstruction in my lungs. They had to open up my lung to do the biopsy. The pain after the surgery was terrible and I was there for a total of 10 days. Fortunately, it turned out that their diagnosis was wrong. I did not have the problem that would have killed me within 2 to 4 years. It is a very similar problem, and while it won't kill me that quickly, it will progress and there is no cure.

The wind up is my marriage started to die after that. There were many other less traumatic examples of the low value I had to him and it took 8 years for it to progress to where we are now - divorced.

The fact that he just left you like that says a lot about how much he values you. A leopard doesn't change his spots. He might change for a while, but he is what he is.

I had a gut feeling my husband would not be there for me if hard times came or I became very ill and I told one of our best friends how I felt when she and I were talking one time...she knew my husband before me and said I think you are wrong. She also said she could never picture him doing that... Well, my husband is now my ex and during the divorce She reminded me of the time I told her that and she said, Susan, you were right, I didn't believe you, but you were right. He turned cold on me for a young married girl. He never really knew what love was. He also wasn't there for me during our marriage like your husband wasn't...Trust your gut feelings.

Susan

Susan... we must all stick to our guns! I don't think I would have the strength or courage to do it again if I went back! I remember how hard it was when I actually told him I wanted to separate. It is still really new for me too and if I didn't have new man in my life, I don't know if I would have the strength to stick it out! This site will help. Other women know and will help us all get through it... so Stick to your Guns, you have done the hardest part. {{{HUGS}}}

STICK TO YOUR GUNS! You know the truth! Do you want this feeling to continue "til death do you part" or do you want the pain to end and for you to get your life back? The pain ends when you want it to. Reach down and find your strength, fight for yourself, be yoru own best friend and strongest defender. No one else will do it for you! Look how many you have in your corner already!