For those of you who have already found someone to make you happy, how did you do it so fast? I dont know anyone and I am so **** shy. I dont want to be alone. And what if he turns out to be like the last one? Sorry having a problem day

I feel the same way. All though I am scared of finding someone not good. I think of all the people that do find someone for spend their days with, someone that makes them happy. I am a quiet, a private person, but with the right person am fun and loving. I can not imagine this is going to be easy for me to meet someone. How do other people do it?

You and I are in the same boat. I dont want to be alone but I know I will be scared that another guy will do the same thing.

Try not to think that way... Shy is good too! I understand what you mean about what if he is the same... he won't be. You are stronger now and won't put up with the crap you did in your marriage. I am new to this too, but I own a Restaurant and Bar and there were many I knew and wanted to date me right away. You need to concentrate on you now and get the confidence back you have lost in the relationship. Everyone's situation, as the same as we all are, we are also very different and what works for one may not work for another. You sound very vulnerable and you need to get back into what you like about you! Think only about YOU, unless you have kids. But fixing you will benefit everyone involved! You are the most important person. Apparently Divorce is the most stressful thing we can go through in our lives, so lets realize that and try to fix us! Coming here is one step further. Everyone here knows what you are going through and wants to help you! I do! Make a list of things you want to do, from cleaning a closet to Bungie Jumping! hahaha Post again soon!

I really need your positive thinking and confidence. Have some to spare? lol

I understand completely about the shyness. I have always been the quiet type and because my husband was to we didn't socialize much so I feel very nervous about the "dating" and "meeting someone" thing. But what worries me the most is my age. I have no idea how old you ladies are and I hope and pray that I am wrong but I can't help feeling that, at 53, it's going to be very hard to meet a nice man. I don't want to be negative but it just seems to me that the good ones are staying with their wives. If they are single they have probably already done the marriage thing and may not be looking for another marriage, which is what I will be looking for eventually. Or, if they have been dumped by their wives maybe they are still hung up on her. And then I worry about how people in my age group "date" anyway. I was 20 years old the last time I fell in love and I just don't think it's going to be appropriate to act like I did all those years ago. How do older people act? I realize that I am now middle aged but for some reason I can't seem to imagine being attracted to a middle aged man. (I guess I still feel like I'm 20).
Wow, I guess this question opened a can of worms for me! I realize that I sound very immature but these things do worry me a lot! If anyone can set me straight or even just laugh at me and help me realize how ridiculous I hope I'm being, please do!!!

I know how you feel! I am almost 40 but met my husband at 18, married at 19. I feel SO awkward about ever starting a new relationship, and I realize I am noticing men in their 20's, WAY too young , I would never even if they would, but I guess because we are kind of frozen in time, I see my husband as if we were young, I see my parents as they looked when I was a teen. I can hardly believe the face looking back at me from the mirror is ME! (Surely it must just be the lighting!) But I am happy to say that after almost 8 months of separation (he still lives in my house, in the basement, he has been "trying" to save the marriage since mid-Jan) I honestly am fine alone, I don't want any man, not him, not any other. Just give me a good book, some peace and quiet, and I am in heaven! I am terrified of being hurt again, so I don't even entertain the thought. Life is full of much excitement and adventure that doesn't need to be slowed down by a man! Take one day at a time, take time to notice one beautiful thing about it each day!

I feel the same as you do, StrongSpirit. Give me a good book, a good TV show, a good movie. I don't plan on ever beging hurt again and I'm content to go it alone from now on.

I don't think you are ridiculous at all. I am 41 and have no idea on how to meet someone or even how to date at this age. I was 25 when I met my stbx. I am also shy and some would say clueless. I am taking yoga and told a girlfriend about this man in yoga who was just talking to me. I didn't think anything of it. And she laughed and said he was interested. Well I guess since I didn't pick up on that he has stopped talking to me. I would need someone to hit my over the head and say I am interested for me to know. Regardless I am in no mental shape right now to even consider dating. But, I don't think I would get married again. Again my same girlfriend jokes with me & says in 5 years I will be asking her to be my maid of honor. What I was trying to get to is I fear the same things.

Hey, Alone
I am 50 and have met someone really great. I am in the hospitality industry and meet a lot of people all the time so it may be easier for me but let me tell you... He is out there for you! I feel 20 as well and when I am with my new man, he makes me feel that way too. I am giddy again and happy and singing all the time. My son said to me the other day "Mom, you are singining again, you stopped!" I hadn't even noticed that I had stopped. I was so unhappy, what the heck was to sing about? You will meet someone. What you need to do is get positive again. You remember when you were 20 and you feel 20 don't be afraid to act that way (but please don't dress they way they do nowadays! hahaha) If you have a positive outlook you are attractive to the opposite sex and they will search out you! Chin up hon!

I respect your opinion ladies but I guess you can call me the ultimate Hopeless Romantic! If things do not work out with my husband, I will always hope for another chance at love. I think I put aside so many things I wanted to do while I was raising childen and I do not regret a minute of that except for the fact that it may have cost me my marriage. I always thought we were on the same page, raising kids but waiting for the time to come when we could recapture all the things we wanted to do. With my youngest child 21, now is the time. I always hoped, (and still do), that I would enjoy these years with my husband. But if he decides he'd rather be with another, I will not let it destroy my life, my plans, and my dreams. That would not be a good example for my children. And for me, another relationship is an important part of what I want. I will have to be careful of course. It remains to be seen just how damaged I will be from my husband's betrayal. But I find it hard to believe that I would ever not be open to the possibility if the right man comes along. If my husband goes through with this, I pray I will find the "right" one.

Alone, I know what you mean. Right now I am so enjoying the life I have all to myself. I spend time with my girls, but I do what I want when I want at home. After devoting nearly 30 years to caring for everyone else, I am taking this time for me. It sounds selfish, but it's really not. One day, I would like to find a nice guy. I believe it's possible. Even at our age. But for now, I am enjoying my freedom.

Alone - I am also 50 and it scares me to think I may have to put myself out there and start a life with another man. I still pray to God every day to keep me safe and to help my husband realise that he is about to throw away our marriage. I am like you, as in I do want my marriage to be restored. After 21yrs I can't even imagine getting naked with another man. I have now joined a group called Life After Divorce and Seperation. Its a social group of men and women, not online dating, just a social gathering of people who are in the same or similar positions as we are. I am looking forward to meeting some new people and getting out and having some fun. I pray for you Alone and the other ladies here who do want to save their marriages. I also just purchase a great book - Love Must be Tough - by Dr James Dobson. I cannot recommend this enough, it really opened my eyes to what is tough love. If you truely do want to save your marriage then read this. Hugs to everyone here, stay strong!