Are you divorced? What happened? It does not sound right.

I'm so sorry. I wonder why your lawyer did that too. Irreconcilable differences is a HUGE difference from what you originally claimed! I'm glad you are getting away though. I too walked away with much less than I should have, but in my case I thought it was better for me to just cut my losses. Dont know if thats always the right thing to do, but.....

My divorce was finalized yesterday and I was shocked at how fast it was. There were about 50 people in the courtroom...only two of which had a spouse with them...all doing their own uncontested divorce. We were just herded in front of the judge one by one like cattle...and that was it.

In my state if we come to an agreement and both sign, we can request to bypass the court and just forward t to the judge for a signature. Now if Jerk would quit coming up with stuff to take from me!!!

Dear Justme, Please get some counseling for abused women. You remind me of my baby daughter (now 39 some baby right). She was in a emotionally and sometime physically abusive relationship for 14 years. The abuse began when she was in the relationship for a short period of time. One example was Xmas Eve when she was 18 and had only dated him less than 6 months. We got her a new car for graduation. Her boyfriend was angry because she wanted to spend sometime with her friends also on Xmas Eve. He shook up a bottle of beer ( mind you he was only 18 where did he get the beer)and sprayed it all over her , her girlfriend, and the whole inside of her new car. When she left and was going up the hill to our home he passed her in his car, the put his car in reverse and start to try to back into the front of her car so she would be blamed for rearending him. I truely believe this man is a sociopath. It was 14 years of this type of treatment. They never married. My daughter had my grandson at 20 years old. She would leave his dad and then go back to him time and time again. He would make her life hell and she would get so tired of all he did to her she would just go back. I took her for over 5 years to counseling even though she was an adult then. When she walked away finally she got pennies on the dollar of what she would be intitled to. So your story Justme is a bittersweet one for me. Do you have children with your ex? How long ago was the divorce? What the Hel- was wrong with your attorney to go along with this? She or he should have known you were afraid of him. Sometimes we have pay such a high price for our freedom! In the end it is going to be worth it to you. My prayers are with you. As women we need to take the painful steps to rebuild our lives. It is part of our souls to want to love and bond with a special someone. I feel those of us in very long term marriages or relationships feel especially saddened because our youth has been spent and we fear not being able to find that special someone at our ages. Those of you with small children worry if someone will take you and the children to love, protect and help to raise those children. I believe our's is usually the harder road compared to our ex's. Lets all try and be as positive as possible about our situations and do something everyday to improve it for ourselves and our children. Lets all look at our mistakes and try and learn from them. We have to get healthy before we are ready for a healthy relationship. Come to this site for incouragement and comfort. I am praying for all of us.

JustMe--How sad that you felt so threatened not be able to speak it. I hurt for you, but you so needed out of that relationship. I hope you can find peace now. We are all here for you and praying for you.

Kathleen--You are so insightful. Yes, the younger women worry about who wants them with their children. I have a widowed daughter of 23 with a 3 year old, and she is certain she will be alone forever. I don't think so. But then, I, at 54, feel sometimes who will want an old lady abandoned by a husband after 30 years. We must band together and encourage each other and pray for each other to get through this awful Hell we are living in.

My lawyer went along with the settlement agreement not fully knowing all that had happened to me. She knew some of it and felt I should just get out of it as soon as possible. I can understand her stance on the settlement based on that.

I don't understand why she changed the charges to irreconcilable differences.

We have been divorced 3 months. We stayed in the same house until a month ago because I needed the settlement money to find a place to live. I was afraid every single day after the divorce, and most of the time for a couple of years before the divorce.

I had gone to violence counseling, but he stopped being violent during that time and the counselor had so many, many other abused women who needed her. We cut it to every two weeks, then three weeks,then I stopped going. Of course, that's when he started again.

With the settlement I was able to buy my own house. It's two blocks from my daughter and I feel I'm doing pretty good now. There is no money left after getting the house, it will be a struggle and with prices skyrocketing, I am very concerned. I'm not afraid anymore.