Sometimes things just build up and you don't know where to go, where to start. That's where I've been the last couple of weeks. My kids are really struggling, especially my oldest. I think he's starting to realize that he's not Jerk's priority and that is eating at him. Last night he had a music program. I took him and Jerk did come. Afterwards Son went over to see Jerk who was busy visiting with old firends. Son very quickly said good night and scampered back to me. He was very upset when we got home and kept saying how much he missed his dad. Then this morning he told me that it made him feel really bad that his dad was more interested in talking to his friends than to him. So kids challenges are growing.

We are so close to coming to a settlement, but Jerk is being-you guessed it-a jerk. He filed and sent his first proposal MONTHS ago-probably 10 months or so. I fired my first attorney this summer because he didn't do anything and I didn't feel he was really on my side. We met in Decemeber with the attorneys and worked a few more details out. My attorney, (the new, pretty good one ?),I thought was going to write up a proposal after I responded to a few questions. I responded, nothing happened. We're approaching summer and don't have summer visitation worked out, so I contact my attorney. We meet and I sign a proposal, sent it to Jerk. There were 2 things in there I didn't think Jerk would like but wanted to ask for anyone. Jerk refuses to make a counter offer, begins to corner me and threaten me (with taking this, that, the other thing). I called my attorney and felt less than supported as he told me if we couldn't settle we'd have to go to court. So, being an educated and smart woman , I ask if going to court is in my best interest. Basically on these 2 sticking points I will probably lose in court, so what the he!!? Don't suggest I go there if I'll lose! My attorney told me I needed to be talking with Jerk so we can work this out. NO THANK YOU! I told him I would not talk with him one-on-one because I am tired of being manipulated and threatened. The end. Anyway, I ended up sending an e-mail to Jerk pretty much giving in on the last 2 points, telling him that communication regarding the divorce needed to be via e-mail or through the attorneys, and he's not satisfied. Now he brings up other things. I get so upset about this stuff and dealing with him and his manipulative ways I can hardly function. My frail father is worried about me-not what he needs.

My house has been shown a ton of times but no buyers yet. I'll be taking a paycut at work-but thank God I still have a job.

Sometimes it all piles up and you don't feel like you can scramble out from under it. I need some closure so I can move on.

The last straw...silly little thing...I needed hay for the kids' horses. It poured rain, the 4 X 4 is out on my pick-up (the one I get in the divorce with 273,000 miles on it) and I don't think i can get the hay. So I call my sister up, bauling, and tell her I can't deal with it and to take care of it. God Bless my family! She is.

Sorry for the ramble...

Becky, so sorry for the nasty road you have been traveling on with this divorce. I almost feel guilty because my attorney is so honest and on top of things. I think part of it is he is new. Not one of the partners in the firm and trying to make a difference in the lives of those he works with. Part of the reason I chose him is the fact that he is one of the attorneys that does pro bono work for abused women. So I think he has a good heart. Anyway, I will pray for you. And thank God for family, huh? Hope that better days are coming for you.

Dear Becky, Why is it that the mothers are usually the ones who have to make all the concessions in these divorce matter and many times these concessions take away from our children(their children as well) When my mother divorced my father he was not there for us at all. My mom told me we were her kids and she knew it was all up to her and she knew she was totally on her own. My grandfather bought us a house to live in which was a life saver for our family! Let your family know how grateful you are for everything they do for you. Offer to do something nice for your sister in return. It well make you feel better about yourself this way. My heart breaks for your son! How old is he and is he in any counseling? I have just started attending a divorce recover group and they incourage parents to bring their children who also need to recover from the divorce. Your son is seeing his father's real colors here. Your sons now doesn't feel as secure right about now. Please try and let him know you are there for him 150% and you will never abandon him. The kindest thing to do is to tell your son his father loves him very much and is gong through some ruff times. Dig deep for strength it is there in you!

Hugs to your son. This is so hard on them and it breaks my heart. My son is only 4 but he talks about things dad doesnt do for him when he is there. He's still a baby but he's already figuring his father out and it makes me furious.

I feel your pain on the legal issues with your husband too. I wish you some peace and hope that you get your issues ironed out with him so you can keep moving forward.

MY son still thinks the flea, will come around and will want to be his "dad" one day. He wants the "old dad" back, I really don't know which one is that because the flea was never there for him. Becky have you tried just letting Jerk do the work. I mean just wait until he wants the divorce, I don't know if that is a option for you.

Yes, I have sat back and let him do the work...for a year. He wrote up the first proposal right away-absolutely ridiculous. In fact my first attorney told me he ethically could not represent me if I was going to agree to that plan. He is very passive aggressive and he controls the situation by doing nothing. He will harrass me and ask me about it, threaten me about it (all without witnesses of course). I really am not in a hurry to finalize things (what will the final paper change? Not much), but with the bankruptcy I don't know that time is on my side. The longer I wait the more he thinks of to do to make me miserable. And, unfortunately, he is very good at that, and I have not yet learned how to fully control my emotions.