Barb, mine actually lied to my face about his happiness. As we approached the empty nest stage I tried to prepare. We had many talks bout what we'd like to do with our lives once our last child left. I always had plenty of plans, ideas to travel, fix up the house, etc. I'd always ask him what he would like to do. His response was always that he thought our life was just fine the way it was. How was I supposed to know that he was unhappy? Now he tells me that he never knew he was unhappy until he saw "her". That's part of what keeps me trying, if that's the attitude this thing with her started with it seems to me that eventually he'll snap out of it.
Dear Alone, I feel like we have to make our own happiness. Another person does not have that much power. You can be madly in love and have the most wonderful man in your life and still feel unhappy at times. It is human nature. Other's actions can certainly contribute to our unhappiness but It can surface even in the best of times. I truely feel your husband is unhappy in himself not with you or your marriage. He had to attach this to some reason and the opportunity arose with the OW and he just is distracted by all this drama. Does he come home happy when he goes to visit her? You know she is most likely trying to get him to leave you! Is he retired? How can he leave so much? Does he have to fly or is it close enough to drive? You said once he is back home for awhile things get almost back to normal. You are so amazing. I just couldn't deal with the stress of it all. I would feel like I had to be so perfect and could not be comfortable anymore. I pray the outcome is what you want and that this has all been worth it. What are you prepared to accept as far as a relationship with him. Would you being willing to allow him to have you both? I am sorry I certainly would never want to hurt you! Have you thought about this at all if he continues on this path. Let's all pray she will press him and he will choose you because he actually loves you or he just would have gone by now. He keeps coming back to the one who gives him unconditional love. You are his rock, his children's mother and there is so much history with you and that history sounds like it was pretty good. I hope very soon this becomes just a bad nightmare which is over and he comes back to reality.
Are you seeing a therapist? If so does the therapist have some insight into his problems. He has an awful lot to lose if he decides on her. No women could or would love him more than you have shown him. I hope there is a God because I am praying for you and all of us.
Same here. My husband's happiness was my priority< and I usually ask what the old wh@re does for him that i wasn't able to do....
All my memories have been wrapped into a bubble wrap and put away in the box. Moving into a new home helps quite a lot, not to be reminded. At the moment I do keep thinking what good we could have had, but then it all becomes into anger when I realise, that all we ever wanted to do together and places to go, he does it with his wh@re. This is the moment when the anger turnes into a rage and if either of them were near me I'd probably would smash their heads like pumpkin with baseball bat. And I cry again.
I hate these moments, so I work hard not to think back, not to think of him at all and no to get angry. I thought cutting my wrists was very helpful to deal with pain, but when the question of being sectioned nearly became a reality I realized how much harm I was doing to myself. I was left malnourished, covered in scars and alone.
Right now I take ages to eat (but gradually i put my weight back on), I enjoy my work again, and I started seeing somebody.
So ladies after all that rubbish i wrote above let me just suggest: SAY NO TO MEMORIES!!!! STUCK THEM IN A HUGE WOODEN BOX, NAIL IT UP, AND LEAVE FOR YOUR KIDS OR GRANDKIDS.
I'm so glad you were not successful at cutting your wrists. That makes it to easy for him. Then he wouldn't even have to go through the divorce process.
I am taking your advice and wrapping up those memories and shoving them in a dark corner of the attic. Take care yourself!