Do you think your child just feels more comfortable venting it out to you than ex? If ex is not responding to their feelings of being hurt/excluded when with him than maybe they feel that he just isnt listening..so whats the point?
If it were me I would just try to acknowledge their feelings and encourage them to let it all out..even if it seems directed at you. If they keep it in will be no good for them. Smother them with love, keep talking, and trying to be the strong constant in their lives that they can turn to when they are upset.
Dear May, Are you divorced yet or in the process? Is your child young under 12? I would certainly get get a copy of the text if you can especially if you live in a state where infidelity could come to play. I would seek counseling for my children so they could have a third neutral party to talk to about their feelings. This would help them to put the blame where it is appropriate. They may be buying into your husbands allegations that you were "horrible in the marriage". Blame the the victim of course. I would not just sweep this under the rug. He may be trying to alienate them from you to obtain primary custody. My grandson 14 at time choose his father to live with because dad was "so hurt" and cried and had all the money. Mind you he emotionally and physically abused my daughter those 14 years. Cheated constantly, did not marry her and drove her to the point she attempted to take her live on several times. He even wanted a paternity test to prove my grandson was his child after 14 years. My daughter said no problem but you must swear never to tell their son about it. He backed off that. Dad got primary custody and even though he makes over 1,000,000 a year ended up giving my daughter $527 a month is all. In the end I raised my grandson who lived with me during the school year, infact most of the time until he went to college this year. If I can't stress one thing enough it is your word against his. Proof is King when you go to court!!!!! Stop calling him put it in e-mail or something that you have records of. Use your head and don't lose it and tell him off. Don't discuss this with your children leave them out of the conflict loop. It is so hard to take the higher road especially when you are the injured party in all of this. It is worth the prize at the end. He has a pattern of cheating and it is just a matter of time and he will once again revert to his old way with her. You will be free now to find someone who is actually worthy of you. We are all here for you.
Alot of what everyone says makes sense. The email system did not work for me, I addressed concerns and he claims that I am attacking him. Now if I can not say it in less then a dozen words I do not bother and that is just information he needs to know.
My oldest will be 13 this year and the courts want to know what they want. My other child is close behind butr not quite. They will not seperate, seperate visits even if the courts grant my oldest to do so. The oldest will always be there for the youngest because of the problems that the youngest has experienced with him. I wish the courts to consider both the children and what they want.
They want a relationship with their father, but they do not want to be forced. They do not want their father have to so much control over everything due to their poor relationship- they feel they are not being heard, that they are being forced and that he makes poor decisions, that he can not take care of them, that he says all the problems are not his they are my childrens fault and my fault.
I have to keep my line of communication open with the children, even on the hardest days, their hard days and my hard days. I will continue to seek help for people that can help because I can not.
Someday this will pass and I do not want them to think that they can not come to me, that it is to hard, that it is not worth it. I want them to be okay and maybe think that this time was hard but we got through it.
We don't get to say bad things about their dad, but we don't have to defend or protect them, either. I tell my kids that sometimes grown ups don't make smart choices. I even go so far as to discuss with them what a better choice here would have been. How are they going to learn right from wrong otherwise? I tell them their dad loves them. I tell them they are my whole world, and I tell them when things are out of my control and apologize for their pain. It totally stinks!