Dear Lassrynn, WE can't see the things they do to us because we LOVE. I am convincd that I have a heart that is so completely different from that of my husband that it makes it hard to believe we are both human. I LOVED him, I still do, and I am afraid I will forever, no not afraid, because loving him forever is what I want to do. Even now after 7 months of knowing that he chooses another over me, I DO NOT know how to stop loving him. I do not want to stop loving him and put him out of my heart even though I fully realize that it is the only way to have a chance of leaving this pain behind me. I loved him, accepting his faults for 32 years. I still love him, even now, after the ultimate betrayal. And the worst part is that he just doesn't get it. He seems to think I should just say goodbye and replace him the same callous way he replaced me, the mother of his children, his first lover, the girl who stood beside him through all the hard years. We are at the place we've worked toward all these years and he has chosen to give the reward for all the hard times to another. I cannot get it, there is no way to understand how he could do this to me. It is truly incomprehensible to my heart and even to my head. I so desperately need an answer. He says I am a good woman who any man would be proud to love. So why doesn't he? He says there is nothing wrong with me. So why is he leaving? I hope we all get the understanding we need at some point.

I had this conversation with my therapist today. I told her how embarassed I was for having allowed him to treat me this way for so many years. I asked her why I would have allowed that. In her opinion I went into this for the forever, expected it to be for better or for worse, and I didn't want to rip my family apart. Makes sense. I am amazed with each day and each new discovery of this stranger I lived with for so many years.

It is incomprehensible what they have done. How they can walk away without any problem. Shrug their shoulders and say, oh well, I'm done here. Something better over there. I don't get it, either. I never will. They can't even answer the whys. I tried to get an answer and all I got was silence. Crickets. They really do have half a brain, and less than half a heart to leave their whole family after 30 years. And my stbx cries to anyone who will listen, because our grown girls won't talk to him. He cheats on me and leaves to be with her, giving every person a different excuse---certainly not the truth---and he doesn't get why the girls won't have anything to do with him. They are 23 and 28, old enough to see what a jerk he really is. My oldest said it best; I love who he used to be, but I don't even like who he is now. And she warned him when he left that if he didn't try to fix things and come back--if he continued to divorce, that she would not have a relationship with him. Either he didn't care, of didn't believe her. But these men are so screwed up in the head they don't have a clue. And they care about nothing but themselves.

Men...hate em!!!

They are wired so differently. I dont know..I just cant believe that they are ALL like this! There have to be some that have their heads screwed on straight, right???

Wow Barb, your daughters sound a lot like mine. My oldest has also said that she will have nothing to do with her father if he actually goes through with this. He doesn't believe her. He should though, she is a wonderful woman in many ways but she did inheriet her ability to hold a grudge forever as well as a singleminded determination that she is right, from her father. Maybe that's why he just doesn't see it.