Lisa, your ex sounds so much like Jerk. Working all the time. Too tired to enjoy the kids. Doesn't appreciate what he does have, and yet he always wants more? My kids, too, lash out at me and will openly tell me they don't want to do anything to "ruin their time" with their dad. So his time is sacred. Isn't that great? But I am so thankful my kids are comfortable enough with me to come to me with their concerns, they know my love is unconditional, and they aren't afraid that what they say or do will jeopardize that. We know that stress can induce bed wetting. I'm not wanting to go down a horrible path, but I know you have concerns about OW. I don't know what they are, but...bed wetting is also a symptom of sexual abuse. Don't want to alarm you where it's not needed, and you know the situation and I know are alert to all of the red flags, just thought I'd throw that in there. If Jerk would fall off the face of the earth, wouldn't my life be nice?

I don't think sexual abuse has a play in the bed wetting. I have the "privates are private" talk with my boys. I have since they were little. Every time they would get a bath when they were little( I started at a year old) I would tell them that what their underwear cover is private and no one should touch them there. Of course that lead to many a questions, lol, Is it okay for Nanny to bath them, Aunt J to bath them and Uncle M to bath them...those are the ones who always did bath times other than me. I talk openly about what is wrong and what is right, according to their age of course
I really think that this is the way my youngest shows his stress over all of this, the divorce, Daddy's new family, lack of a relationship with Dad. He and my ex never had a good relationship. I hate to say it but I don't think ex likes him as much as the older one. Older son is into sports and fishing just like ex, youngest is not.
My youngest never says a word but I can see the wheels turning in his little mind. Older one is very vocal about EVERYTHING, to only me. He just wants to please his Dad and won't say anything that might cause Dad to be upset. He told me he tried to talk to Dad and felt like Dad din;t really listen (I know exactly how he feels) He said he will NEVER talk to Dad about it again.
It makes me so mad. Ex doesn't have anything for the boys to do while they are there so they have to rely on the girls allowing them to use their stuff, game and such. I'm sure that effects them I know it would me. Even down to their room, if the girls want to play in it while they are gone they are allowed to, so unfair. It's almost like there is no room for them at Dads.
I could go on and on about how unfairly Dad and his new family treat my boys...that in it's self is sad

I know you're on top of things...I'm a legal reporter and we've been trained to report suspicions of anything...so sometimes I become suspicious when I'm sure there's no need.

Nothing wrong with being suspicious, believe me the thought crossed my mind. I think as parents we have to be when it comes to our kids and their well being. I have seen to many cases of sexual abuse to just bury my head in the sand. Thank you Becky for, well just everything

Lisa & others,

I hear you...But I just want to say that the not "owning" anything they do is a skill of the personality disordered- specifically, narcissistic personality disorder.

Essentially, we're talking about someone emotionally stunted- who has the emotional level of a six year old- but in an adult body. They do not feel things like you do. They are consummate actors (& liars) though, so you will swear they sound sincere. They say all the right things- but it doesn't mean anything to them. Unfortunately, they lack empathy & compassion (never developed)- so no matter how you try to deal with them (nice, logical, etc...) it will always backfire. They will see you as weak or they will be paranoid that you're up to something (they can only view things from their side- no one does something for nothing- this is a trick). It's pretty scary- and since my ex-partner here was diagnosed, I've learned a lot & also have avoided other NPD freaks.

Read here & see if any of it rings familiar:

http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/