Hi everyone,

I hope I can nutshell this so that I can get some sort of feedback. I divorced in 2007 & I & my kids moved to Australia. My ex chose to let them go with me in return I essentially left him everything assets-wise. He has since found a girlfriend & is now on his way here for his first visit.

Up until about a month or so ago, the trip was supposed to be here, in our town- or perhaps somewhere along our train-route (we have excellent public transportation). He had spoken to my son (16) about the trains & buses.

Out of the blue, he states he is planning to rent a car. I immediately replied that I did not want him to drive the kids here- as the driving is opposite side of the road, and opposite side of the car. I told him that it took me months to feel secure driving (& I'm a fast city- driver- where he drives an average of 30mph in a remote town) & even then, I waited another month or so before I felt confident to have the children with me. Studies done have shown a tripling of head-on collisions of people in this situation.

He then hired a lawyer here to telephone me. She told me that he is taking a driving course for a couple of days in Sydney & if he feels he can't do it, he won't. Of course, I know better- because he won't ever admit he can't do something.

I told her the answer was no. I don't care if he has a couple of classes- that will not undo 35 years of driving in the states. I do not feel that his “inconvenience” of using a taxi/bus/train is more important than my children's safety.

I don't even yet have an address of wherever he is planning to have them. He made no plan to actually pick them up- assuming they could just get themselves to him (or I would). I volunteered to get them to the train station so he could meet them at the other end & get bus/taxi from there.

I told him he can drive himself & his girlfriend for groceries, etc...that's his decision, but that putting the kids at risk was not necessary.

I don't have money to throw at lawyers since I left it all behind (supposedly for the kids inheritance)- ironic that he's now spending it to try to kill them. The fact is that he could have paid for taxis in what he's spent now. It's a power-play. He called my kids this afternoon while I was at work. When my son told him he wouldn't feel safe in a car with his father driving, his father said, “fine, I'll just take your sister then”! So, much for wanting to see his son??

I guess I want to know if something like this has happened to anyone here? In our separation agreement, it states that he has them for visitation over their summer holiday & other times “as agreed upon”. I told him if his intention is to place them in danger, then I don't agree.

I'd also love to know if anyone has a name of a good US/upstate NY lawyer (that's the court the agreement went through)- just in case... :(

Thanks in advance,

Tracy
techie dot geek dot girl at g-mail dot com

Sorry I dont have any advice for you. I dont blame you at all for not wanting them in the car with him. I hate to say it, but thats just like a man...thinking they are invinceable and that theres NO WAY they will ever have an accident.