Dear LonelyOne,
I am glad you are back because I have been worried about you but my heart breaks to hear that you are still strugglng with your beloved husband. Again, while reading this post I am struck but just how amazingly similar our situations are. I am just a few months ahead of you in this nightmare. I struggled to control my emotions when dealing with my husband to and have succeeded to some extent. For us it has been helpful. I will not elaborate on what is going on with us here since I know you read my last post and know what my situation is. I will say that when I posted I was devastated and still am. I stayed home from work yesterday and today, crying and thinking. I have resdolved that I simply must see this thing through to the end. Those who read this and are worried please know that I will be seeing a lawyer and I am watching out for myself. I am aware that changing my husband's mind is most likely impossible. But there is just too much here that I know is real to walk away from.
I will continue to pray for you LonelyOne. Your reply to my post is so true and I thank you for the reminder. You are right, I am NOT Alone. I have the wonderful ladies here, my children, and my most trusted friend who has recently begun calling to check up on me each day that we don't see each other. Having the support is what keeps me going.

Loneyone,
I am so sorry to hear that this is still on going for you. It breaks my heart that you are so in love with your husband and he is just blowing you off. I still can't wrap my head around how honestly cruel he is about going to see OW with you. I guess in my mind it is one thing to suspect it and another to be told out right.....
If it were me in your shoes (and it's not so disregard this if I am wrong in saying it) I would tell him he couldn't come to the house every day like he is. You mentioned he moved out, and to me that is a sure sign that he is leaving and to coward to tell you which again amazes me with how honest he is being about OW.
You also mentioned that every time he comes over you start talking about what is going on and he gets p*ssed..well you have every right to want an explanation for his behavior! If he really is confused and doesn't know what he wants the least he could do is let you express the hurt and sadness he is causing you by his not wanting to "choose"
Boot him out of your life, for now. Don't answer his calls no matter how hard it is. Don't let him come to the house freely, he DOES NOT have that freedom anymore because of his choices. File for child support and spousal support. Show him just what his choice or lack there of is going to cost him. His confusion is your hurt and IMO you need to start healing the hurt by making his decision for him.
Again I am so sorry you are going through all of this and again if I am wrong please just tell me to shut my mouth.......I will be thinking of you and your son.

Lonelyone I am sorry you are going through this again. I have been wanting to say the same thing Lisa H just said. You know we are not in your shoes, we are looking through a window and things to us look dark, they look like you are the only that wants this to work. I am sorry if that is not what you want to hear, but it is time that you know that man is only stringing you around. If he really wanted to be with you, he would not be so cruel and tell you he was going to go be with the OW and then come home like if it was normal. How long are you going to let him walk all over you? Sorry again if I stepped on your toes. I will understand too if you don't want to tell me what you think of my response, Take care

Thank you everyone for the replies. You are all amazing!!!

Yes, I am the only one that wants to save the marriage. H has told me and shown me what he wants but I can't seem to accept it. Perhaps I would not hang on if he had already filed for divorce like he has talked about for a year now. Then when he recently started saying that we are separated instead getting divorce, it gave me a bit of hope that I can't help hanging on to. I know that he has been a total jerk and I should despise him for all the pain and turmoil he has caused me but I do blame myself for driving him away by my part in all this-gaining weight, being a b*tch because I was imprisoned by my weight, spending money I shouldn't have. I do think that was the start of him wanting out and then his midlife crisis kicked in with a vengeance which has turned my H into someone I don't recognize any more.

I called a lawyer yesterday and am going to scrape up the money somehow to pay him to file separation papers for me so that I can assure the financial part of this. I know that I have to start making firm boundaries about visitation with our son. I did ask for help with our son-because it is a 24/7 job and I needed a break-which is why my H was here so much last week,though he was here more than I did ask for and on days I did not expect. From what I have read about midlife crisis I know that I am making things worse by any talk about our marriage-it only makes things worse and rips me apart too. I need to go no contact/little contact and make every conversation about our son or finances. From now on, I am going to leave when he arrives here or else meet him somewhere and he can take our son out for the evening or the entire day/weekend on his days off. My H is living in a rented room in some guys house whom I don't know. I don't feel like this is the safest place for him to take our son which is why I want him to come over here to see him. The good news is that summer is right around the corner and there are lots of things they can do together around town while I do my thing.

Thanks for listening! XOXO to all!

You sound alittle different now. I like that! I know I've asked before and if you'd rather not mention I'll understand. How old is your son? Is he able to speak? Is he high functioning. As I've mentioned my granddaughter is autistic. She is just starting to talk alittle. She is 4 years old. She has 3 hrs. theraphy at home and 3 hrs at a school for autistic children. Thank God my daughter and son-in-law are both lawyers because it is so difficult to get the services they need. I hope your husband whether or not you stay married continues to share in this 24/7 job with you. Hopefully you can remain friends at least so you can co-parent. You are very special I hope you can see that. You would make any man so proud to be his wife. I think your husband is just broken and you can not put the pieces back together. I will pray for you so hard that this has the right outcome. Maybe God doesn't want you with a man who can't appreciate you good heart and loving spirit. I also feel your being way to hard on yourself. Your husband is not perfect he has faults. Why do you hold yourself up to impossible standards? You are perfect just the way you are. Thank you for the lovely Easter thoughts.

When Jerk first left I had to set the ground rules for his visitations here: He can't come unless he calls first, visitation is arranged through me not through his children, he must knock and wait for someone to answer the door, etc. I can say I'm OK with them staying here if he has a limited amount of time for a visit, AS LONG AS he respects my space. If it were all of the time, I wouldn't be OK with it, but a few times a month isn't so bad. I can see where you do need a break. You can learn to run errands, pay bills, take a nap, etc., when he has his visitations. Keep us posted.