Ladies, I am sorry I keep bombarding you all with my nonsense. However, I have no girlfriends due to my STBXH. They all disliked him. I still moved with him. So, needless to say, all I have are a few family members. Anyways, I have to put on the happy fake face for a little longer until I pack up and leave. It kills me to say Have a good day or even make small talk, but in my state, legally, I have to. If he knew what I was up to, he can throw me out and I can lose everything I worked hard for. All in all, I know it will get better. I am thinking positive but man, it hurts so much. And what P-sses me off, is I do not love him at all but why do I cry? Why do I care how he is going to feel? I finally wrote my goodbye letter. My attorney approved it. Funny thing is, in the letter I listed step by step how to take care of things in the house, what I left and where I left it for him so he can live easy! What a fool I am but its better to try to be civil than evil, per my attorney. I also wrote a list of all the utilities with the information, payment dates, etc.. LOL. I am too organized but again, its still 1/2 my house and I want to make sure nothing gets ruined for when we go to sell it. I guess I took care of him for so long that I dont know how to cut the strings. Its hard and I am trying but geez, maybe I was too good to take his crap for so long. Thanks again all for listening to me vent. You all have helped me more than I can say, so thank you!
Dear FromThe Bayou, I understand. I think again it is just because we love so deeply that we care. And, as women, we are care-takers. I had to smile about your step by step list, it sounds like something I would do. The second time my husband went out of town to visit the OW I left our house to spend the night before he left with our daughter because I couldn't bear the pain of watching him pack. But can you believe I also left him a note telling him his favorite shirt was in the drier and saying he could call me if he couldn't find something he needed? Ridiculous of course, but I think probably pretty typical since my goal at the time was to show him just what a great wife he was leaving. And that gesture was just so me. After 32 years taking care of him I really wanted to do it again, even though I also wanted to kill him. The taking care of him part will end of course when you are gone. But I believe the caring about his feelings and how he's doing will last a long time, probably the rest of our lives. (at least for me it will). We women love so much and are so tenderhearted. A blessing I think although sometimes these days I have to convince myself it's not a curse.
Do NOT apologize - your posts are not nonsense! I'll be thinking about you. Let us know how you're doing.
After Jerk left he called all the time wondering about different things, things I had always taken care of. It's been over a year now, and he tried that just the other day...he e-mailed me a legal question regarding visitation. Hey, when he pays me what he pays his attorney I'll answer that question. Until then, he can do his own research. But he knows that I've done my research and I'm up on everything I can be.
I can't imagine how stressful it is to live as you are right now. You just keep right on posting here and we'll keep right on listening.
I think we as woman have the instinct to take care of men. Once we leave them, we can't just turn it off. I guess we take over for their own mothers. How do we turn off the mother instinct for the JERKS we married.
You feel bad because you are a decent and kind person. You want to do the right thing for you this time, but you want to do it in a decent way. When you get some distance between you I am sure you will get yourself organized and in a better frame of mind. But whatever you are doing or feeling, we are always here to listen and encourage you. Hang in there.