It is so true, JustMe. Once the love starts slowly fading those rose colored glasses come sliding down the eyes and you begin to see them for who they really are...Love no longer covers a multitude of sin.
Oh how I remember my ex could do no wrong when I loved him with all my heart. I always found an excuse for his behavior throughout our marriage. I never saw him through my own love for him, but as he stands there now, like a typical stranger, I too can look back and see what I never allowed myself to see before.
I also see a user who took whenever he wanted and never gave unless it was to get something in return, someone who could never understand others because it was always about him and still is. They can just move on so easily because they are shallow and do not root themselves to deeply into family, into the feelings of others, in letting love grow deeper and more meaningful, or placing any true values on morals that would tie them down from getting what they want without shame. One can not be rooted into themselves, nature doesn't work that way.
I now see my ex for the coward he is...he always runs and then comes back for damage control when the coast is clear and he feels confrontation with me or others is at its low. He talks himself into believing that it is always someone else's fault and deep down he can believe his own lies so it makes it easier for others to believe them..,That is why I want to tell the other women here that begin to doubt themselves because of their husbands lies...to talk to the ones who love you and will help you see the truth about yourselves in a kind way. You will be surprised at how badly your exes have made you feel about who you REALLY are.
I would have never pleased my ex either, JustMe. These men are on an endless search to find happiness, and they will never know that it can only be found within themselves...because shallow people never look to deep....they only look on the surface of life for answers.
Susan you said that all so well, especially the part about never rooting themselves into family or the feelings of others. I can see that my husband has been that way for many years. It still makes me so sad though. He was not always like that, he changed. We were very much in love at the beginning and for a long time after we were married. As best as I can guess he began changing about 8 or 9 years ago. I will always miss the sweet, thoughtful, funny man I fell in love with. I will always miss that man and wish that somehow he could go back to being that man again.
I know what you mean, Alone. Somewhere along the line, the man I married died. The new man that took over about midway in our marriage was a stranger. I somehow still loved him, but I feared him also. I seemed to be always trying not to make him mad. I worked to make sure everything was about him and his needs. Things I wanted or wanted to do I was told no. I didn't argue. Just accepted. He flirted with any woman anywhere, but never me. I hated that. Even the girls were embarrassed by it. We would all be in a restaurant and he would be so flirtatious with the waitress. It made me sad. Did I really think about this until he left me? No. It's like I was blinded by love. Now I see who he really is. I am not losing much. The man that I truly loved and that loved me died long ago.
Alone: After spending many years with someone, anyone can look back and see that there were good times, and the good times are what are missed. I remember meeting my husband and thinking what a wonderful sweet man he was and how happy we were. Everyone has the memories of the love that one has at first and its hard to let go of such memories. I too wish I could go back to those good sweet memories and know the man that once was. You are not alone.
When you are in love and married to a user, your self confidence comes crashing down too. He used you, but you are out now.
I know how you feel about looking at the man you once loved and not recognizing him. I think I'm scared that it was my love that created the man. That he never really existed in the first place.
But once everything is done with, take comfort that you can move on.