I know exactly how you feel, I feel like the flea is hiding something or has something up his sleeve. The only thing is the flea is just so arrogant that he will let it slip and tell me what he is hiding. About your chest pain I still get them and I hate them. I sometimes wish I could just not feel anything, but I guess that is what been a woman is.

This is normal... how can you not feel like this with a liar? I still know my ex could turn on me at anytime and my divorce has been over for quite some time. It is the not knowing that brings all the stress, Sometimes you just have to let go of some of the fears, but stay on guard. This takes time to learn. I have learned to place my faith in God rather than placing my fears in my ex. I would be constantly looking over my shoulder without my faith. Liars tend to make people do that.

Susan

I really wish I was religious but I am not. I was not raised with it and I find it so hard to believe. But I wish I did or could. It seems to help people so much. I just hate him so much. The kids are both late teens and he blames me because they dont call! Hows that my fault. I think he just doesnt want to admit that the kids have no respect for him, his doing, and they dont care he is gone. lol

Lassryn,

It is normal to feel this way because our stbx's have done things we never thought they were capable of doing and turned into cold, ruthless strangers. The feeling is because you don't know what to expect next. If he could do what he has done already, then what else? You tell yourself it can't get any worse than it is, and then it does.

Having young children in the home makes it far worse because its not just yourself that you are worried about. But what is he going to do to my child mentally and emotionally? There are so many more things involved with custody, visitation, your child dealing with the OW ect. I am not surprised you feel this way. But hang in there. It will work itself out. You will move on a build a life he can't touch.

Dont be sorry, and you do make sense. As far as what you have to do...you can only do what you can. Thats what I tell myself when I get overwhelmed. I just try to chip away at everything the best I can and be patient with myself. Beating myself up wont get things done faster.

I too feel the devastation and confustion over how they can turn and be so heartless. All I can say is that if you dont trust him and think he may drop some kind of bomb, just keep your guard up at all times. I dont mean as in being paranoid, but having your guns ready to fire back. Keep in mind that they get off on the fact that they have us stressing like we do. If we give in and let them ruin each and every day for us, than they are winning.

Try to keep strong and dont give him this power over you.

That is so true...not giving them the power over us. This is a learning process. For so long we have tip toed around and found ways to make them happy or to keep them from getting angry. I can always tell when I have disarmed Jerk because he suddenly becomes very easy to work with, wants to cooperate, wants what best for everyone else, etc. At these times I enjoy his cooperativeness and I get what I can when he's in this mode, because I know it won't last and I also know I can't let my guard down. Think before I speak, even over what seems like the simplest things, because everything I say will be used against me! Hang in there.

Becky, your post hit the nail on the head for me. I feel exactly the same. When the stbx cooperates it is good, but I feel I am walking on eggshells all the time... or a mine field just waiting for it to blow. I feel he is nice on somedays just so he can gain my trust enough to use it to get what he wants or use it against me.

Thanks everyone :)