That is so true...not giving them the power over us. This is a learning process. For so long we have tip toed around and found ways to make them happy or to keep them from getting angry. I can always tell when I have disarmed Jerk because he suddenly becomes very easy to work with, wants to cooperate, wants what best for everyone else, etc. At these times I enjoy his cooperativeness and I get what I can when he's in this mode, because I know it won't last and I also know I can't let my guard down. Think before I speak, even over what seems like the simplest things, because everything I say will be used against me! Hang in there.

Becky, your post hit the nail on the head for me. I feel exactly the same. When the stbx cooperates it is good, but I feel I am walking on eggshells all the time... or a mine field just waiting for it to blow. I feel he is nice on somedays just so he can gain my trust enough to use it to get what he wants or use it against me.

Thanks everyone :)