I am relatively new here. I have been reading a lot of posts and posting to some. Let me begin with telling my story. My stbx has PTSD from the Gulf. Dealing with him over 11 years has been rough. We have 2 children ages 7 and 9. He has not worked in 9 years. I have supported out family, gone back to school, worked a full time job while in school and no emotional support from him. I went back to school in 2007 and obtained my Masters degree. I finished in 2010. He never wanted me to go back to school and be successful. I ran into an old friend in 2008. We began talking, mainly emailing. He was married also. Ended up we had an affair and it ended in 2009. My stbx did not know until May of 2010 when he hacked into my email. Yes, I know dumb me didn't delete the messages. It has been hell for almost a year. At first he wanted an immediate divorce and then we tried to work things out until Feb of this year. At this time I found out he was doing the same thing with his high school girlfriend. When I caught them on the phone, he immediately said he hated me and wanted a divorce. I filed on Feb. 14th ...kinda ironic huh?? When he said he hated me and such he said it in front of the kids.... called me every name in the book he could think of. at this point he left for sometime. Needless to say, after about 3 weeks he decides to come back home because he " can't be away from the kids" Now he still wants the divorce, and we are being civil to each other... even have sex... but he wants the divorce yet he is saying after the divorce we can "shack up" for the kids sake. Is there something wrong with this picture to you all? Why divorce and then "shack up"?

I have been thinking more and more about this and all I want to do is to pick up and run away with the kids as far and I can go. I feel I am alone in this situation. I have no support from my parents. But how do you get away with 2 small children, work, and not have anyone to help take care of the kids while working? Anybody have any ideas?

Dear Chelee, I asume the divorce is still in the works the way you talk. Have you gotten to issues yet such as custody, will you have to pay him spousal support since your working and he isn't? You can still co-parent and not "shack-up. How do you actually feel about him. Do you still love him? It would be very hard to move on if you still lived together. Most schools have before and after school day care these days. Also the WMCA or a private sitter. If he didn't work he could be the babysitter without you having to live with him. Sounds more like the wanting to have his cake and eat it to. We will all pray for whats best for you and the kids.

Thank you for your reply. Custody is not an issue. The divorce is in its final process and should be over in June. I guess when I said I feel like running away, I mean like physically leaving with the children and physically moving to a new town, to a fresh start. I do not have to pay him, he is a disabled vet and actually makes more than I do and I have a good job with good pay as a nurse. I just really feel like running away... Maybe that is what I need... a few days away by myself. I am just afraid if I went anywhere by myself he would accuse me of not wanting the children and then fighting for them. I don't feel like I can take care of my needs until the divorce is over. UGGHHHHH! Do I still love him? In ways I do, but I don't think I am in love with him. In my opinion, a divorce is a divorce and two people must go separate ways. He IS the one that wanted it. SO why does he not want to let go?

I hope I dont offend you by saying this (I dont mean to), but since you cheated first, did he cheat just for spite and maybe he doesnt really want the divorce?

Him wanting to shack up is such a bad idea. First off you are right. Divorce means you are going your separate ways...not still sleeping together. Second, that would be so confusing for the kids. Either you are together or youre not. He needs to be thinking of that and how it would impact the kids still having him around like that.

I understand about wanting to just take off. I would love that as well. June isnt too far off...time does go fast, and I hope that you get the time you need for yourself. We need to take care of us too!

I was worried about being on my own with my son too. How would I work and take care of him alone? Just keep in mind that there are so many single parents out there, and they all make it work. You will too.

I'm not really sure if he cheated for spite or not. He won't talk about it. (Imagine that). He does keep saying he wants a divorce. I really want to go separate ways right now, just give it a break, how do I do that? How do I get him to move out? Financially speaking neither one of us can afford it.

Dear Chelee, Thank you for the information your shared with us. It puts everything in another light. It seems you have come full circle on this. Once you can emotionally detach I think it gets much easier. It is probably time to set some boundaries with him. Let him know that "shacking up" is not an option. He needs to be able to go on with his life as well. Many couples who put the kids first can co-parent very well. My first husband and I did it and it worked. One thing though we each still had a very deep affection for one in other. It was alot like your story. He was a Viet Nam Vet but handled it real well. I cheated while he was away. He came home and we tried to make it work but it just didn't. We still care for each other alot and it's been 37 years. Each of us remarried. He is happy and I am miserable going through this divorce. I go with waiting just alittle longer to go somewhere. You might try and take a friend along and go to a kid friendly place. Take the kids and ask the friend for some just you time. I think you sound like your pretty much going to do just fine. If your STBX puts his kids first this is going to be better for each of you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Have you ever thought that maybe your STBX just want to be with you and other woman at the same time. The flea(ex) did that he asked for a divorce, he was living with big foot(ow) and would come and sleep with me. The only thing you can do is ask to move or you move. Once your kids start visitation with him, you will get "ME" time. I know it sound self fish but sometimes we do need some time alone. About running away, it will never work, you are a mother and once you are away from your kids, you will want to come back to them, believe me I have been there. My advice is to move or tell him to move. That will be your peace of mind. Also don't sleep with him anymore, if you really wanted the divorce cut all ties with him and first is to stop sleeping with him. Take care and keep us posted.

Thanks Ladyrb

Thank you Kathleen.

Just thought I would update everyone on my situation. Yesterday was my 11th anniversary with the STBX. Since I knew I would not be getting anything, I went out and bought me a ring. Looks like the new princess' ring. He did wish me a happy anniversary. I told him also and stated it will be the last one. I think that shocked him. I am wanting to move on and being under the same roof is not helping!!

Enjoy your present to you : )