It is the "what ifs" that will drive you nuts. You will have to make a decision and stick by it irregardless of how you feel. What would you advise a friend who was in a similar circumstance?
Right now this is all new and painful and difficult. You feel alone and scared and wonder if you are doing the right thing. That is natural. You will soon begin to feel more confident and sure of yourself. Pretty soon you will be amazed at how strong you really are. Women are tough.
For me, I had to just project confidence whether I felt it or not. I limited my interactions with the ex and tried not to think about him all the time. Easier said than done. Try to focus on you. Get a new hobby. Do things that make you feel better. Do things wth your children that are fun. Make new friends. Rearrange your furniture. Paint a room. Plant some new flowers. Get your toes done. Start going to church if that is something that would help you. See a funny movie so you can laugh.
If you think you have made the wrong decision then talk to someone. But I doubt you have. Most of the women who end up here have tried and tried and tried and tried again. Most of the women here were like me and just felt that they had no other option. It is not an easy choice but once you make it, it is done. For me, how I felt about it and the divorce did not matter any more. I had made my choice that even a blind person could see was the best one for me and I had to stick by it. Once you make a choice, it gets easier. Like I said--the "what ifs" are killer.
Finding this forum will be a huge blessing and support to you. Many times it was a life saver for me especially in the beginning. Things do get easier. I promise. Brighter days ahead.
SAM
Youre going to be ok Lassrynn. You CAN handle this, and you WILL. Let yourself cry it out, and then pick yourself up, dust off, and keep on going. When it gets really tough, remind yourself of why you are doing this. Reread what you wrote in this thread about how you have been treated. You deserve much better. You know that, and you will persevere until this is over and you have it. Yeah, its a nightmare going through it, but your going to come out on the other side much happier. As far as security...I understand that, but you dont need someone else to give that to you. You will create your own sense of security.