i really need advice...im `19 right now and im going thru a divorce with my 2yr old sons father. we all lived together til our son was about 21 months old so his dad was there but he would go to work til about 4 and i would stay at home every day with our son. When he would get home he would either sit in front of the tv or go get stoned then sit in front of the tv, or tell me he's going fishing. We had moved away from home when i was 6 months prego so i had no friends in this new place. He pretty much didnt do anything with our son cuz he was too tired from work or to lazy. we fought the most because i would always tell him he should go play with our son or ask him to read a book with him and he just didnt ever want to. i no he loves him but he just wasnt interested in our sons first words or doing stuff with our son. now i moved back home and he lives 3 hours away so we cant afford to go bak and forth every week so i usually take him 3 weeks and hell get 1 unless we can afford it but i dont think its healthy for our son to go that long away from his dad but i think its even more unhealthy for him to be away from me that long, everyone says but its unfair but my son would sit and cry for 20 minutes if i would leave him with his dad to go to the store thats how much of a mommas boy he is. and im scared that he already feels like his dad has left him, so why would i want him to ever think that i am going to leave him. now his dad is saying that hell take me to court unless i be fair?? what do u guys think please help me here
I do feel for you Melissa. I know its hard on your son to be away from you, but it is important for him to spend time with dad if he can. He's young and he doesnt understand, so he will cry when you go. Thats normal. I remember my son screaming his head off when I would step outside with the garbage!
Just know that he will be fine after you leave. He'll settle down and get to have some one on one time with his father (and you will get a break!). He may cry each time you take him there, but I think it really is the best thing you can do for him...and he will be fine.
I dont think this is a matter of you being fair. Youre just concerned about how this is affecting you son. His dad does have rights to see him however, and he can pursue that. It sounds like the two of you are able to talk, so hopefully you can work this out between you.
Dear Melisa, I am so sorry for your situation. I myself would be very concerned if your husband does use drugs (You stated he would get stoned) with him having your son without some kind of supervision. You are very, very, very young! Why is it we try and live our lives ahead of schedule, and I did the same thing as I had my first at 21. I would guess probably one in a million young boys and they are still just boys have the maturity to be fathers and except that overwhelming responsibility. This is what happens when we rush life and don't do things as they should unfold. That saying your son is such a blessing and I can tell you are a loving and good mom! Let your parents help you get your life in order. What are your plans and goals for the future. Both you and your soon to be ex could really benefit from parenting classes if you haven't already taken any. Sometimes going to court on these issues may not be such a bad thing. They will require certain things be done. Who pays for you to take your son there? This can work out. Why is he living so far away? Is this the only place he could find work? Does his family live there? If he can do it he needs to move much closer to you. You can co-parent if you are both willing to sacrifice. Is he now more attentive to the child or is it just because you are pushing him to see your child? You will find someone wonderful in your life in the future and this man could replace your ex as a good father figure. It is hard to force someone to step up to the plate. Take your time and do the growing you need to choose very wisely next time. I was married young had two girls and divorced after 5 years. I have been married to my husband 37 years now. He helped me raise my girls. My ex however was so good and a wonderful father. Are you going back to school? You will find that is really beneficial. We are in your corner 100%. Choose wisely your actions from now on.