I've been let down by the snake. He hasn't seen our son in two weeks, and obviously the boy keeps asking about his daddy. The snake promised to take him from wednesday evening. So I made plans but something has stopped me from telling my son that daddy will be picking him up.... And of course my gut feelings came out to be truth. The snake texted me and said he will be taking our son on friday night instead.
As you could probably imagine i was really cheesed off. He is now let down the child and all for his old wh@re.

All this made me eally think a lot and i came to the conclusion that i do not want my son to have any relationship with the snake, just because i'm concerned that he will hurt my little boy too.

I just would like to ask whether I am making the right decidion by not allowing the snake to see our son anymore?

Wow this is a hard one.

From what I understand by law a father has a right to be part of their childs life.

From my own personal experience-

I have a lot of people involved and they are more concerned about fixing the relationship than any of the actual concerns. This, people involved, will continue for some time till the relationship is fixed or the children have the right to decide to see or not see their father and even then the courts could decide for them.

And as far as any abusive accusations I have been in touch with people that I feel should come and say he is not fit to see our child/children. But they have not, it has to come to a broken bone.

So bad isn't it?

I encourage and am co-operative and he still has claimed allienation. The courts do not like this word at all. If there is truth or not behind it.

What about the rights of the children.

I want a good relationship but so far it has not happened.

Of course, children do have a right to see both parents. I just fear that one day my son will be crying by the door, waiting for his daddy, while the snake puts his wh@re before his own son.
I want my son to be proud of his dad, to know that he can rely on him and never be disapointed.
At the end of the day it is the father who has to make an effort to build a strong bond with his son, and I don't really see that happening.

I agree with you.

Dad's are the adults and they should be making adult decissions- like having a relationship with their children before anyone else.

As the mother just be careful so you can not be blamed for things that really are not your fault- the courts have a strange way at looking at things.

Take care-

I understand your concerns. I think it is smart not to tell your son about Snake's visits. If he comes, happy boy. If not...he's OK. My niece, now a beautiful young woman, was abandoned by her father. Same issues we see here. 'I have my rights', missed visitation, etc. My niece confides in my often, and she only blames her father for his choices. Had her mother been the one to stop it, that may have been a different story. Just food for thought for the long haul. Keep us posted. Oh, and DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!

I have walked in your shoes. My step sons mother (my husband had sole physical and legal custody of his son) saw my step son just 10 times in 21 years. She even lived with her sister for 6 months and mind you the sister lived the next street over from us and never once saw her son then. She was actually married 5 times and each time she had a new husband she would drag us back to court for visitation which she never used. Finally after about the fourth time my husband filed for child support and got it. So she had to pay for 5 years until the boy was 18. The rejection destroyed his life as he is a drug addict. She would see him maybe once. He would get all ready and wait for the next visit which never came until she married again usually about every five years this cycle repeated its self. If you have access to ask a therapist the best way to handle this for your sons sake. I wish we had gone to a therapist because maybe we could have saved the son. It really hurts the children to be abandoned. Try telling the snake he needs to tell his son why he isn't coming. I agree with the others you have to be so careful about fathers rights at least in the USA. Our thoughts and prayers go with you.

I had a different issue with my sons' father. He wanted to be Super Dad to the boys and take over everything at first, but in time things worked their way out and as the stress of divorce faded some... things became more normal. He would sometimes put his girlfriend before his boys, but I have to say all in all even though he can be selfish, he loves his children. I hope your husband sees what he is doing in time and changes out of love for his son. Only love can bring selfishness under control.

Susan

Susan

I think you might have a fight ahead of you if you just take away visitation rights. However, counseling may help for your son deal with the disappointment and it may lay the groundwork documenting that the relationship with his father is harmful. I don't know what the outcome will be but I'm rooting for you.

I too want a relationship for my boys and their Dad...but not at their expense. I am so sick of my kids being hurt by him that at this point I could care less if he ever sees them again!
He is irresponsible, heartless and selfish. He does what he want at the expense of my boys. (I'm fixing to writ a post about this)
There are days where I want them (all of them) to have a happy healthy relationship and other times I think they would be better of with out him in their lives.
I agree with the others about not telling the child about the visits, let Dad show up and surprise him or let him not come and spare him the hurt.

"I just would like to ask whether I am making the right decidion by not allowing the snake to see our son anymore?"

No, you are not. Beyond the fact that your son needs SOME sort of relationship with his father, you are not legally allowed to play keep away like that.

What do your court orders say? If you violate them, you could easily wind up back in court and be required to pay for his lawyer.

It's heartbreaking to hear stories like yours where a parent has so little bond with their own children.

"obviously the boy keeps asking about his daddy"
Are you helping to facilitate phone calls? I would be in physical pain hearing this from my child.

I wish you and your son the best.

Its a tough situation because I do think that they need to have a relationship, but you are absolutely right in wanting to keep your son from being hurt.

Do you have a visitation schedule that he isnt abiding by?