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Re: Father and Son relationship

I agree with you.

Dad's are the adults and they should be making adult decissions- like having a relationship with their children before anyone else.

As the mother just be careful so you can not be blamed for things that really are not your fault- the courts have a strange way at looking at things.

Take care-

Re: Father and Son relationship

I understand your concerns. I think it is smart not to tell your son about Snake's visits. If he comes, happy boy. If not...he's OK. My niece, now a beautiful young woman, was abandoned by her father. Same issues we see here. 'I have my rights', missed visitation, etc. My niece confides in my often, and she only blames her father for his choices. Had her mother been the one to stop it, that may have been a different story. Just food for thought for the long haul. Keep us posted. Oh, and DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!

Re: Father and Son relationship

I have walked in your shoes. My step sons mother (my husband had sole physical and legal custody of his son) saw my step son just 10 times in 21 years. She even lived with her sister for 6 months and mind you the sister lived the next street over from us and never once saw her son then. She was actually married 5 times and each time she had a new husband she would drag us back to court for visitation which she never used. Finally after about the fourth time my husband filed for child support and got it. So she had to pay for 5 years until the boy was 18. The rejection destroyed his life as he is a drug addict. She would see him maybe once. He would get all ready and wait for the next visit which never came until she married again usually about every five years this cycle repeated its self. If you have access to ask a therapist the best way to handle this for your sons sake. I wish we had gone to a therapist because maybe we could have saved the son. It really hurts the children to be abandoned. Try telling the snake he needs to tell his son why he isn't coming. I agree with the others you have to be so careful about fathers rights at least in the USA. Our thoughts and prayers go with you.

Re: Father and Son relationship

I had a different issue with my sons' father. He wanted to be Super Dad to the boys and take over everything at first, but in time things worked their way out and as the stress of divorce faded some... things became more normal. He would sometimes put his girlfriend before his boys, but I have to say all in all even though he can be selfish, he loves his children. I hope your husband sees what he is doing in time and changes out of love for his son. Only love can bring selfishness under control.

Susan

Susan

Re: Father and Son relationship

I think you might have a fight ahead of you if you just take away visitation rights. However, counseling may help for your son deal with the disappointment and it may lay the groundwork documenting that the relationship with his father is harmful. I don't know what the outcome will be but I'm rooting for you.

Re: Father and Son relationship

I too want a relationship for my boys and their Dad...but not at their expense. I am so sick of my kids being hurt by him that at this point I could care less if he ever sees them again!
He is irresponsible, heartless and selfish. He does what he want at the expense of my boys. (I'm fixing to writ a post about this)
There are days where I want them (all of them) to have a happy healthy relationship and other times I think they would be better of with out him in their lives.
I agree with the others about not telling the child about the visits, let Dad show up and surprise him or let him not come and spare him the hurt.

Re: Father and Son relationship

"I just would like to ask whether I am making the right decidion by not allowing the snake to see our son anymore?"

No, you are not. Beyond the fact that your son needs SOME sort of relationship with his father, you are not legally allowed to play keep away like that.

What do your court orders say? If you violate them, you could easily wind up back in court and be required to pay for his lawyer.

It's heartbreaking to hear stories like yours where a parent has so little bond with their own children.

"obviously the boy keeps asking about his daddy"
Are you helping to facilitate phone calls? I would be in physical pain hearing this from my child.

I wish you and your son the best.

Re: Father and Son relationship

Its a tough situation because I do think that they need to have a relationship, but you are absolutely right in wanting to keep your son from being hurt.

Do you have a visitation schedule that he isnt abiding by?