For starters I would like to state the I AM P*SSED OFF beyond belief with my ex right now and need to maybe be calmed down or lead in the right direction before I do ANYTHING.
Boys went with their Dad this past weekend. He called and told me he would be late AGAIN. Put me in a bad mood from the start. Sunday he calls and tells me he was going to be late dropping them off. I flat out told him that was not an option. He had company and didn't think it right to tell them to leave, BS, he knows when kids are to be dropped off tell company (which was family) that you have to leave by a certain time. I flipped out on him (kids have a certain bed time and because I know they were up late all weekend I stick to this bed time most in Sundays, even if they are here) and he ended up calling telling me he would be there on time. I was upset with him from the start because I knew he was going to take the kids to church with him but because is was his GF's daughters First Communion I let it slide (believe it or not there are some things I can be easy going about)
We get home and my oldest son tells me his leg hurts. I ask him what he did that would make it hurt. His cousins were at Dad and I know my son he is far from graceful ...NOPE that was not it. He got bit by the neighbor's dog on Saturday! Not only did Dad not take him to Er to get it checked out, he never informed me of this. No phone call when it happened, no conversation about it during pick up, nothing.
So I call my ex and get his voice mail. My message was short, sweet and to the point.
"I would like to know a little more about the dog bit son just told me about. I need to know why he was not treated, if the dog has rabies shot, ect. Call me back ASAP"
I was not rude, not yelling just asking. I looked at my son's leg and it was black and blue and had 4 bite marks around his leg. The marks looked "yucky" for lack of better wording. I told him to go get a bath and then I would clean it out. While he was in the tub I called family DR.'s answering service to see if I should take him to ER or if it could wait until Monday evening when I could get him in with Dr. They strongly suggest Er because it needed to be checked, it should have been checked the day it happened, but to get in there to get started on antibiotic ASAP. An hour later as I am sitting in ER with son ex calls. HE is ticked that I took him to ER "There is no reason he needed to go" This from the man who rushed son to ER for bellyache, a problem we have had with son since he started school, nervous stomach. He was doing it to make me look like an uncaring Mother because two days later he had CYS at my door. Anyhow....I tell him I can't talk and that I was giving ER his number so that he could explain everything to him and I would be sending the ER bill to him and he could forward it to neighbor.
Come Monday morning I get a call from ex at 8am. He was SO concerned about son that he couldn't sleep, or even think of anything else. He had been concerned since it happened. My first thought was :yeah sooooo concerned that you did nothing about it. What ever, not worth my time, I told him he was okay and that I got it taken care of. Gotta run, call son later and talk to him. He never called BTW. Sounds like he is SO concerned doesn't it?
Yesterday we ( me and the boys) are on our way in town to get a bite to eat and were talking about their weekend. They were really excited they got to see their cousins and were telling me all about it. Comes to the time of the dog bite and oldest son tells me that Grammy wanted Dad to take him to ER but Dad "forgot" Well you forget to pick up milk at the store or mail a bill out on time but you do not forget to take your son to the ER when he is bitten by a dog. Again whatever that is not what I am ticked off about...this is.....Youngest was telling me that "Daddy was drinking beers and fell over" WHAT!?! Well now I know why Dad forgot to take him to ER. HE was drunk! HE was not about to get himself in trouble by taking him to ER when he was drinking. HE was not about to call me when it happened because he knows I would have know he was drinking as soon as he said Hello. I held my cool in front of the kids, asked oldest if Dad was drunk and he says yes. Him (Dad) and his uncles were drinking and he didn't want to get into trouble.
So now I am really ticked off. He is NOT be be drinking around our kids. I have about 3 paragraphs in our custody orders about drinking. That is why I left him in the first place.
So now my question is: What do I do about it? I want to rip his head off and stuff it up his a$$..How could he risk his sons safety just so he could have a few drinks? Did it stop his drinking...NO he just kept right on getting drunk.
Do I call ex and confront him about this? Call lawyer and file charges against him? I just don't know what direction to take.

This is ridiculous! I would be extremely pi$$ed too. How can a father be so drunk that he cannot take care of his kids? This is not a, I want this and he wants that type of thing, it really is a health and safety issue for your child. I don't know that calling you ex would do any good. If he was going to listen and cooperate he would have done it already. As a mother, I know that making sure your child is safe (mentally, emotionally and physically) is the most important job we have. My heart goes out to you. I think I would start by documenting the whole thing. I would report it to animal control. Make the neighbor prove that the dog is up to date on its shots and get a copy of the report. That may give you time to calm down and think about what to do. It will also provide proof if it ever goes to court.

He just called again to discuss the divorce..I let the answering machine pick up. I don't know what to say to him or if I should say anything to him. I called attorney's office but he is in court.

Well, pros and cons to both:

If yuo are going to talk to an attorney I would not talk to your ex until you do. The your attorney can advise you if this incident is enough to change visitation and/or custody. BUT it may not be enough to for the "system" and therefore it may be a waste of money (unless you have a free attorney).

If you are not planning on taking it to court and changing custody or visitation - there isn't a need to talk to the attorney. I would document the incident because you never know when you will need it. Take pictures, write what happened in a journal, file a report with animal control ect. You have an opportunity here to acquire proof that will hold up in court. Not he said/she said type of thing.

If you are not going to talk with your lawyer, I would talk to your ex and tell him you know what happened and that you want a copy of the veternarian records showing the dog is up to date on its shots or you are going to call animal control. Its still court admissiable proof and he should provide it since it happened during his visitation.

Let me know what happens.
Teresa

OMG Lisa! If it were me I wouldnt confront him with it anymore than you already did. I would definately let a lawyer handle it. So sorry that happened and hope your son is ok!

Well the sh*t hit the fan ladies. Ex called again and I answered against my better judgement..anger got the best of me. I told myself I was just gonna listen to what he had to say and only talk to him about the divorce. But as usual he wanted to make changes to the divorce settlement. In the three weeks since we talked about it he has called me at least twice a week to change something. It was a stupid thing and I told him to do what he wanted and when I got it I would decide if I was going to sign it or not. He sensed the anger in my voice and had the balls to ask what I was so angry about...that was all it took. I told him that I was VERY upset about the weekend and he asked (like an idiot) why? I let him play dumb and told him that if he was so stupid not to know then he could read it in the letter he was going to get from his attorney explaining it to a T. First words out of his mouth...I wasn't drinking. HA. It went down hill from there. I told him what a lousy father he was. What a selfish ***** he was and how much I hated and disrespected him. I then told him that the night he took a gun to his head with MY children upstairs was the day he lost his right to be called their Dad. That the only reason I have not told my children what really happened is because I love THEM to much to let them know what a selfish, uncaring jack ass he really is. I also told him the biggest favor he could do for his children was to sign his parental rights over and leave them alone. This way I could raise them to be respectful, loving selfless men. I left no stone unturned, no feeling hidden and NO doubt in his mind that I HOLD the keys to his future with my children.
I have him scared ladies, very scared. He asked me what I was going to do and I told him that I really don't know at this point. I am to angry to think with a level head right now. But not to doubt that I would so something. My every breath is for my children, I will stop at nothing to ensure that they are safe from ANYONE who could hurt them. I ended the call by telling him I no longer wanted to hear his voice as it angered me even more as the seconds passed and that he would hear from my attorney. So I guess I will see what the next step is to protecting my boys.
Oh and Chris my son is okay, Thank You for asking. The Dr. put him on an antibiotic and told me to just watch the site for signs of infection. The ER put the ball in motion for Animal Control to be contacted, only thing that might be a problem is that it happened in Maryland and I live in PA.

Dear Lisa, So sorry to hear about your little boy! How was such a talented,lovely lady like you ever married to someone like that? I would certainly do something about it. If he is drinking he puts your children at risk ,as he has already done. You are such a great protective mom. This is hard on your children to see him drunk as well. It increases their chances of having a drinking problem in the future. My heart and prayers go out to you. It seems like we are all living in the twilight zone.

I agree with Kathleen about the kids being at higher risk for alcohol abuse because of him. I worry about this with my son as well because his father is a beer chugging, love to party type. He is never without a beer in his hand, and I'll be ****ed if my little man is going to grow up to emulate that mess.

You did an awesome job Lisa. He ought to be shaking in his shoes because he is being out and out negligent with those boys!

Glad to hear your son is ok! Poor thing!

Glad the bite appears to be OK. It is ridiculous when drinking takes priority over taking care of your children. He only has the kids every other weekend and he can't stay away from the alcohol that long? There's a problem! Let us know how this plays out.

SInce the day I brought my oldest home I told my ex he would never again have a beer in the house. I may have let my ex walk all over my feelings but this was one thing I stood strong about over the years. I guess that is why he felt the need to go out to the bar? I have told my ex time and time again that he will not drink in front of our kids and he slipped up once or twice but not without a HUGE fight. I can't understand why you would want your kids to see you make an ass out of yourself? I think I thought that he would choose his family over a drink, but I was wrong. It became more and more frequent as the years passed. Every Friday thru Sunday I was home alone with the kids and he was out living the life as a teenager. I can count on one hand how many times I have gone out since the kids were born and NEVER did they see me less then "perfect" lol. I would have them go overnight at my sisters. This way I knew they were okay and even then I really couldn't get drunk because my thoughts were always "What if something happens and they need me?" Kind of a buzz kill. It is so beyond my train of thought to just ignore their safety and get drunk.
My ex's family has a history of alcohol abuse. His Mother drinks like a fish. His older brother has countless DUI's and drinks every day for the time he gets home till he passes out. Younger brother is into drugs and drinking. Sister sneaks liquor in her coffee on a daily basis. If you go further back two of his uncles spent time in jail because of their drinking habits. One Aunt killed herself while due to depression and her blood alcohol levels were off the charts when it happened.So yes the fear of them (my boys) having this problem sits high on my list of worries. This is another reason I enforced the order that they are not to be left alone with his family.
I hope that he takes what I said to heart and changes how he is. If not I will take his kids away from him and I will ensure that he never sees them again. Their safety is more important then his drinking.