MaryAnn, whatever happens for your daughter's graduation is going to set the pattern for the way things are handled for the all the other major events in her family.

As much as I want to say you should have your party for her and he should have his family party separate, it's really not a good thing. There will be college graduation, weddings, births of grandchildren, birthdays, and other major events that will be important to her.

High school graduation is major to her right now, and it is only one day in your life. I also feel you should stand 10 feet tall and invite his family. In the long run, it will at the very least give you more respect in everyone's eyes.

I realize just how hard this is because this is so new and emotions or still so raw. As a mother we have had to make huge sacrifices in our lives for our children and will continue to have to do this through our life times. This very well may be the biggest one you have to make because of the time you have to do this. I also agree with the others. This is something you must do for her. Try and view this as an opportunity to shine. I'm sure his family has their doubts about what went on. This is their son, brother, uncle ect. They are naturally going to support him. They just might be still in shock over what happened and don't know what to say to you. I feel you and your ex should set some boundaries for her special day. Keep your eye on the prize your daughter. Let him know this is now your home and you would appreciate him showing you and her the respect you deserve. NO TALK ABOUT THE DIVORCE TO ANYONE FROM EITHER OF YOU! This could work out to be an opportunity for you in the end. This has to be done for your daughter. Do it and enjoy it. Show them all what an outstanding hostess you are. Our thoughts and prayers are going to be with you.

I agree with the others. I know this first step will be a hard one, but they will get easier as time goes on.

I am reminded of the strength and courage my aunt showed in a very tough situation and I will always admire her because of it.

When I was very young, I had an aunt who's son was dating a girl at a campground where their family went every summer. They became friends with this girls family and did things together. During the school year when my aunt could not always take her son to see his girlfriend because of her job...My Uncle would take him to visit her and stay to talk as well.

It so happened that my Uncle started seeing this girls mother behind my aunt's back while he had my cousin up there visiting his girlfriend...to make a long story short....My cousin ended up marrying this girl and my uncle(who I no longer consider my uncle) married this girl's mother.

Because of this my Aunt had to attend all kinds of event for her son along with this family and their relatives and the real hard part was that she had to face the fact that her new daughter-in-law is the daughter of the OW. My Aunt never looked down on her daughter-in-law for this and remained close to her son and daughter-in-law and for this I know I, along with so many others, will always admire the strength and love my aunt showed in such hurtful times. I think of my aunt when times for me get hard because of my own divorce. A mother's love never fails.

Susan

Susan,

After reading about your AUNT and her sacrifice.......all i can say is WOWWWWW!!!!!
No one can do what she did for the sake of her love to her son. I can't.

I also admire you and all your posts. You sound like a very intelligent and a very spiritual woman. Keep posting. I look forward to read them. Thanks

Dear Susan, Your story about your aunt brought tears to my eyes. Now I know where you get it. The grace and compassion you display must be in the genes. Thank you for sharing that beautiful story and so many other thought provoking posts.

Thank you all so much for your words of wisdom. I just got home from meeting with my counselor. I had really wanted to agree on a decision when I left his office. I felt like I had, and then I read all your postings... now I know I made the right decision. With "appropriate boundaries", I will have over both sides of the family and our "mutual friends" who really have already taken sides. Agreeing to this does not mean I'm giving in to a teenager or saying everything he did is OK - it's about celebrating a very special occasion and remembering it's my daughter's day. But I am going to keep it SIMPLE!! I'll let you know how it goes - 4 weeks away!

Your tone sounds so positive. Good for you! Do let us know how it goes.

Oh gosh. Just for this one important day I say suck it up. Yes, you do have to think of yourself, but I would let your daughter have this one. It may not be the same as it was in the past, but that isnt her fault.

Do you have to have everyone over? Is going out somewhere...somewhere neutral where there will be a definate end point to the party an option?