Dear Susan, Your story about your aunt brought tears to my eyes. Now I know where you get it. The grace and compassion you display must be in the genes. Thank you for sharing that beautiful story and so many other thought provoking posts.
Thank you all so much for your words of wisdom. I just got home from meeting with my counselor. I had really wanted to agree on a decision when I left his office. I felt like I had, and then I read all your postings... now I know I made the right decision. With "appropriate boundaries", I will have over both sides of the family and our "mutual friends" who really have already taken sides. Agreeing to this does not mean I'm giving in to a teenager or saying everything he did is OK - it's about celebrating a very special occasion and remembering it's my daughter's day. But I am going to keep it SIMPLE!! I'll let you know how it goes - 4 weeks away!
Oh gosh. Just for this one important day I say suck it up. Yes, you do have to think of yourself, but I would let your daughter have this one. It may not be the same as it was in the past, but that isnt her fault.
Do you have to have everyone over? Is going out somewhere...somewhere neutral where there will be a definate end point to the party an option?