I had this concern as well. I didnt go out looking for someone else after getting separated because I needed time alone first. I wanted to get into a new routine, get my apartment set up nice, take time with my son, and the biggest thing...make sure ex was out of my system.

Our marriage was dead for about a year and a half before I moved out. It was a relief to get out, but I knew I still needed time, and that it wouldnt be fair to another guy to bring him into a big drama situation. I also didnt want to come off as a bitter ex-wife who was always putting my ex down. Who wants to start a new relationship like that? After 8mos I started dating and found my bf.

Just keep in mind that when you are early in a relationship, you dont have to air all your dirty laundry. If it becomes something more than you can choose to divulge more..and being women we can do that in a way that is classy and isnt coming right out and saying what a jerk ex really was.

For me I had to figure out that his shortcomings don't reflect on my character. Somehow I thought that if people knew what a pr*** he is they would think less of me for marrying him, for having children with him, for staying with him so long. I believed that if people knew who he really is they would think less of me. I own my mistakes. I will not own his. He's a big boy and he can sleep in the bed he's made.

With every new realization we are that much closer to healing. Sending hopes for peace your way.

Dear Becky, Thank you for the lovely thought at the end of your post. Everything I read says the ex is an off limit subject in the beginning of a new relationship. We are not them. We had our parts even if very small parts in all of this. What they did was just that, what they did not you. Most past relationships have baggage that comes along for the ride. So I'm sure a new man will have his share as well. A very good point raised was to make sure you are at a place and time when you are actually ready to move on. Healing has to come first. My thoughts and prayers are with you.