For me I had to figure out that his shortcomings don't reflect on my character. Somehow I thought that if people knew what a pr*** he is they would think less of me for marrying him, for having children with him, for staying with him so long. I believed that if people knew who he really is they would think less of me. I own my mistakes. I will not own his. He's a big boy and he can sleep in the bed he's made.
With every new realization we are that much closer to healing. Sending hopes for peace your way.
Dear Becky, Thank you for the lovely thought at the end of your post. Everything I read says the ex is an off limit subject in the beginning of a new relationship. We are not them. We had our parts even if very small parts in all of this. What they did was just that, what they did not you. Most past relationships have baggage that comes along for the ride. So I'm sure a new man will have his share as well. A very good point raised was to make sure you are at a place and time when you are actually ready to move on. Healing has to come first. My thoughts and prayers are with you.