Discuss your troubles, compare ex's, offer suggestions, and share stories!
Hi and welcome!
Well, I have been divorced for a few years now, but when it all started I had the need to empower myself as well. When I became single again I felt a little lost because I went right from living at home and going to college to getting married and living with my husband. I was in my mid forties when he left and I will be turning 48 this month.
I began to do things around my home that my ex had always done or never did. I painted my boys' bedrooms, I had my father show me how to take care of my car myself by checking oil, adding oil, washer fluid, how to change a tire, check the air...maybe a lot of women here do these things, but my ex always did because I would care for the house and kids.
I bought "do it yourself" books and learned how to do miner repairs on my sinks and tub so as not to call the plumber all the time. I now do all my own yard work, I have about an acre of land that I mow, trim trees and shrubs and mulch all on my own. If I do have to have someone come to repair something I am not sure about, I try to watch and learn. I've painted my porch, some back stairs and this year I am going to sand and paint my bulk head. I do my own snow blowing and shoveling and I also learned how to use, hook-up and do new things on my computer. I try to learn something new every chance I get. I try to always ask questions and get information. I feel the more I know and can do the more I feel better about myself. I have learned a number of things from books, people, television, the web etc.
I used to be in the shadow of my ex a lot because he always liked to run the show, but now I have a show of my own and like you say...I feel empowered. I also like to read the local news to see what is going on in my area that I might like to attend. I say the best thing anyone can do is to never stop learning no matter how old or young you are and remember, never be afraid to try anything new because sometimes we learn the most from our own mistakes as well.
If I had one thing I would like to try within the next few years it would be to try sky diving. I know it sounds strange, but I always wondered what it would feel like to free-fall. Who knows, if I get the time and money I just may...
PS: My divorce has taught me more than I can ever list, things about courts, laws, lawyers, rights, how to stand up and fight back, things about my ex, my kids, how to deal with a million and one things at once, what is really important in live and on and on......
It is good to hear something good. Empower! Something I feel every person wants.
It sounds like yu have a lot of knowledge to share. I hope to read more about your experiences if you want to share. I hope you might respond to a post that I might share.
And yes the woman here are wonderful. I have found comfort in having this forum with these woman that do care.
I think just standing up and moving forward some days is enough to feel empowered. It is a difficult road, with many ups and downs. The freedom to make my own choices every day helps me to feel empowered. And the dear women on this forum with their kindness compassion and empathy are a life line in this troubled time.
Hi. Welcome. I've been separated since early February and have been trying to empower myself too. Everyone is a bit different in that respect. I took up dance classes and focused on my education and internship in the early days and now I am trying incorporate more fun reading. The empowerment is about little victories for me as well as trying to rediscover who I am after the relationship.
It gets easier and the ladies here are wonderful. Hope to see you around.
Hi, let us hear from you again. I have been married for 37 years to a complete control freak! Just to say he kept all our assets from me and made me live just above proverty levels. I found a large sum of money he hide from me. This money was my ticket to freedom. I felt I had no options in life. As strange as it seems the money empowered me to stand up for myself. I immediately filed for divorce. As I continued to take actions I felt stronger and stronger. I began to find myself. The problem was I didn't really want a divorce I just wanted things to be the way they were in the beginning of my marriage when we truely loved each other. My husband was very bitter to say the least! We were still in the family home together but did not speak. After two months I started to leave him little notes which at first he tore up. I took my new found confidence and continued to leave more notes. What did I have to lose at this point. Finally one day he spoke to me. We are trying to reconcile. I want this to work! I have found enough strength through this site and the friends here to know I need to continue to stand up for myself and make sure things are going to actually change. I am empowered enough to go the distance and follow through with the divorce if I have to. I was empowered by the little victories that blossomed into bigger victories. I was empowered to see a little of my husbands soul and realized he was as frightened as I was. I find empowerment by discovering who I actually am and by the strength which was buried so deeply inside of me. I haven't cancelled the divorce yet. I need to know this is going to work. Besides I gave my attorney 10,000 dollars and don't want to have to start over again. Look for the strength which all women have inside of them. We are the stronger sex as it turns out.
Wow, Kathleen. I feel empowered just reading your post. I am so proud of you as I am all the women here who reached out to this forum and are searching to empower themselves again. This forum is truly a blessing and so are all of you.
PS For some reason this thread makes me think of that movie "The First Wives' Club" I watched this movie after my divorce and enjoyed it very much. I don't know if anyone here has seen it, "Great empowerment movie". It is an older movie, but funny. It stared Beth Midler, Goldie Horn and Diane Keaton. If you have a chance, you should really watch it.
Thanks for reminding me of that movie, Susan. I actually think I own it. That would be a fun evening movie to watch while I knit baby blanket for my new grandchild coming in October!