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Re: kids

Katherine, this death feeling will heal too in time. I know because my kids are my life and I did most all the care of them until our divorce and then he decided he wanted to be more of a father after he left, Super Dad to impress his new girlfriend and to overcome some guilt I guess. Like you said it is a sense of loss, like a piece of your family is missing when you do things without them, but as time goes on you learn to enjoy them when they are with you and then you learn to enjoy your free time when he has them. I felt better when I decided to put the kids in God's hands when they were with him and his girlfriend. I just said a prayer....God, take care of my boys and keep them safe and in your care and fill this empty hole I have in my heart when they are gone. There was not much else I could do because even though I found things to do with my time, like you, I missed them. It all has to do with time and healing just like everything else in this divorce. But it does happen. I have adjusted to my new life and that hole is not there anymore. In time, God did give me peace and you will find it to when you are ready. Wait on the Lord and he will be there for you and your children. Healing does come. You and your kids are in my prayers.

Susan

Re: kids

I feel the same way. I did not become a parent to do it some of the time and I did not choose to do so. I feel like they live two lives. A different house, different rules, different relationship, different everything.

My thoughts go to them as adults and how they feel because them being forced to do this because it is a fathers rights. I do not feel like my children have rights.

Thoughts, how do people fill that void of their children not being with them? Thoughts on how to help their children and if they have rights?

Re: kids

I feel that way too. I will admit that I enjoy my time when my son isnt here. I get a chance to rest and recharge, do my shopping leisurely, sleep a bit later in the morning. I still miss him terribly though and feel like something is missing.

I hate that he has two homes, has to share holidays..all of that. At times its like hes more of a possession that we have to share equal time with rather than a child. Not what I envisioned for our family at all.

I really dont have any advice..just wanted to say that I know where youre coming from.

Re: kids

Even though my kids are grown I am worrying about how the family will ever feel whole again. I am not yet divorced, still living with my husband, and truthfully I can't stop hoping that we will be able to find a way to stay together. But as time goes by I have been forced to face the idea that my wish may not come true. I can't help feeling that everything about my family will be diminished if he and I aren't together to enjoy it. I am glad to hear that there is a possibility that a new kind of family life might eventually be at least somewhat enjoyable.

Re: kids

"Here's a question???" Do men feel this loss as well, in the same way as we do? It seems like my ex couldn't care less that he chopped up a family after 20 years of marriage. He just stuck in a substitute and did what he darn well wanted.

Susan

Re: kids

I wonder that same thing, Susan. Do they feel any sense of loss over this? I know my stbx has to at least feel the loss of his children. The girls are grown women and choose not to talk to him. Won't even answer a text from him. But I am sure he is so busy with his new skank girl friend, that he forgets it and goes on with his life.

Re: kids

Barb, I guess it's that "sensitivity chip" that Jennifer Aniston talked about. All I can say is, I'm glad I was born a woman, because I find my emotions comforting, real and something I would not want to live with out even though it can lead to getting your heart broke. Makes me wonder if men ever see love the way we do?

Susan

Re: kids

I believe we are very different creatures from men. Our brains are different. I to am glad to be a women. We bare these children and a man can never feel that experience. We bond more I think. I think they are the ones who miss out on the glorious feeling of being a mother. Children also bond more to their mothers I believe as long as the women are mothers in the since of the word. This is God's gift to us. We also experience alot more pain then men phyically and mentally for our children. I know that empty feeling when the kids are gone. As already stated the children are the ones who really bear the brunt of all of this child sharing. All in all I am glad to be the mother and would never want to trade places with them.

Re: kids

Amen, Kathleen. I agree with everything you said.

Susan