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Re: Been working on changing my name

I went back and forth on it for a while, then decided to change it back to my maiden name. I feel that I should honor my late parents instead of my cheating stbx. I don't want to look at mail or write his name anymore. My girls both have married so they don't have his name either. I am anxious for the divorce to finish so I can change it. It will be a hassle and it will take some thought, but I feel it will be worth it. I am starting a new life. Without him. Why would I want to keep his name? Also, I think that he will be surprised by it. He is so sure we will be friends after all this. I think he will think I want to keep his name. That's another reason I have to do it.

Re: Been working on changing my name

I have always felt that women lose their identity when they get married and change their names. When you marry you take on the name of his family. In conversations, you are no longer John and Mary's daughter, unless people ask, which they don't often do.
I recently organized a class reunion. It's just about impossible to find some of the women I graduated with. They've changed their names and the searches come up empty.
For myself, I kept his name after the divorce. I've had this name for over 30 years and while I don't particulary like it, never have and never will like it, I'm keeping it just the same.

Re: Been working on changing my name

I never changed my name when I got married. I liked it too much and well it was such a hassle to change it in another country. So I just kept it. It makes it easier I think.

Re: Been working on changing my name

I filed for divorce once before many many years ago. I had thought about going back to my first husband's last name as it was my young children's name. I think there are many different schools of thought on this. It is very personal. One size doesn't fit all. My daughter chose to take her maiden name and make it her middle name. She is a lawyer and had established her self under her maiden name. She also wanted to honor her father who was the last one to carry on the family name and only had our girls. Ironically she is not his bio child but he is legally her father. These little things are what makes us follow different paths in staring our new lives.

Re: Been working on changing my name

I kept my name because I have two boys who will always have the same last name. They were young at the time and I did not want them to feel as if I were throwing away their own last name. I also took this last name as an act of showing my love and wanting to create a loving family. Someday, if I ever do choose to marry again, I will take on my new husband's name for the same reasons, out of love and faith. Just because my ex can jump in and out of vows, It does not spoil the fact that I went into this marriage giving all my heart and soul. I hope my sons can see marriage in the way that I do and not their father's way, as something you do until you think you want something different. However, I think every woman should have the right to keep or drop her name after a divorce and it is up to each one of us to decide the reasons why we choose to or not to do it.

Susan

Re: Been working on changing my name

Beautifully said Susan! You summed up so many of my feelings on this issue. I do not know about ever taking another man's name though. For me, I just find it hard to believe that anyone will ever have the importance in my life that my current husband does. Maybe if someone ever does, I will feel diferently but I just can't see it right now. No one else will be abe to share the things that are most important in life with me as my current husband has. There will be no more children. Family is the most important thing. I do know that I will want a man in my life but right now the best I can manage is to hope I find someone who is as hung up on their former wife as I am for my husband. Sick maybe but perhaps we can bond over that issue and accept it about each other.

Re: Been working on changing my name

Dear Alone, I hope that someone special does enter your life. You will not want to cherish the man who betrayed you but cherish the one who will be there for you and honor you as you deserve. I am confident this time will come for you. You are such a very special lady. Someone is going to realize that and want to make you their own. Everything will come in time. So have faith in yourself. I hope your situation is getting better. Your husband is the one who moved out if I remember correctly. Hope you are starting to build a life without him. If it works out all the better but it is time to start to move on.

Re: Been working on changing my name

I am doing it right now after 5 years. There are only 2 of us in my state. My maiden name is better and common than the evil one.