Teresa, thank you for your kind words. I feel like I've made a huge step by coming here. Just knowing that other people have gone through similar issues is helpful to me. You've been there, and you are ok. That's the dream right now ... to be ok. Thank you so much for just responding .. that alone, I am thankful for! One other thing I forgot to mention is that I other than family, who I am extremely close to, I have isolated myself from people .. or actually just haven't made new friends. I have 4 friends who I have known for years that I can talk to, but they are scattered across the country. Do you have any suggestions about how to make new friends? The kids aren't in sports or clubs or anything, and at this point, I am like a teen center mom with all of the kids in and out of here. Most of the kids' moms are much older than I am though. I could really use someone to go places with and get out of this house. Any suggestions? I was looking into a yoga class ... (if I can get it paid for without stbx realizing I did it). Don't want the fact that I spent money thrown in my face the next time we argue!

I can feel everything you have been through...My life is a open book like yours...Housewife, kids, no friends & husband just walked out after my youngest turned 18 yrs old, his senior year...But my stbx found out the hard way they have to give child support till 21 yrs old so he & his lover got screwed...My best suggestion to find a friend is call a church group for singles, they have them now & they get together all the time & go places...There is also a website divorcecare.com that will give you locations around you to attend divorce classes...It was wonderful to be around people going through what your going through & see the ones that did find happiness at the end of the tunnel...Google the divorce laws in your state...If the law is like mine do NOT leave the house because he will have to award it to you but if you move out he does NOT have to, it is called abandonment...My husband did NOT know that but I did & I got awarded the house & he has to pay the house note plus electrical...If you get involved with a Baptist church they will help you also...I promise if it wasn't for church & God I would NOT be where I am today...Don't give up on God he is wonderful to have in your life...I gave up church for my husband & went back the day he walked out & it was the best thing I could have ever done...It is were I have found my new friends & we have alot in common because of divorces...It took me 8 hard months but I have accepted it is what it is & get happier everyday...I won't lie I still cry some but accept it for what it is...I tell myself everyday I will not let him destroy my life with bitterness... The Serenity Prayer has helped me alot repeat saying it especially the first verse...

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3, 5-6

Get a good lawyer and NOW!!!!! Be straight forward with your lawyer and don’t forget ….your lawyer works for you so you are his boss, don’t let him tell you what is going to happen … you tell him what you want and what you expect out of him. Since you didn’t work your soon to be ex husband will be responsible to pay for your lawyer. Even more now that the children are all growing up and he doesn’t have to pay child support for them. (How convenient he waited this long right??)
He will be responsible to pay alimony too since you both were married for that long and you never work even if it is temporary alimony which it can be for 2 yrs (that would be a good opportunity for you to apply for scholarship and go take a “billing and coding” license, or something like that and then you will be able to provide for yourself). He is also responsible to help with you disable son it a law not if. He obviously is very selfish. Let him go how can God bring something good in your life if he doesn’t take the bad one first?
You have a great case, even more that your kids can be witness.
Don’t be afraid you have all going for you!!!
Good luck

Yoga class can help a lot and often I hear churches offer these types of classes for a low cost. And disability may be an option for your son.
My stbx kept me so busy with stuff that I didn't have the time or energy to go out and socialize. As for working and getting by, things will work out but do your homework and start documenting things. This should help. We are here for you. Keep us posted.

It sounds as if your children might just be happy about this. Is there another women? What would you really like to do? Do you want a divorce? I found like you that some of my actions caused some of my husbands actions. He by no means is faultless in my situation. I filed for divorce and I believe God gave me the power to do so by letting me find a large sum of cash my husband had hidden from me. This experience of seeing the end of my 37 year marriage hit me in the face has been the best thing that could happen to my husband and I! We have started to communicate with each other. We have resumed intimate relations after more than five years. We are certainly not out of the woods yet and divorce is still on the table. I have not cancelled the proceedings. I need to know that both of us are going to make the necessary changes. Protect your self. I live in Ca also and will get spousal support which you will most likely get as well. It sounds like you suffer from depression. Have you been treated for it. We can have situational depression based on our life situations. This is not hopeless. I did better to stand up to my husband. Your husband is buying valuable time for himself here. You need to protect yourself and your children first. Your husband needs a reality check here. I would let him know it isn't going to be any easier for him then for you if this divorce goes through. Let him know you are working on yourself. I started to examine what kind of wife I really was and frankly I would have gotten a F. He would have also gotten a F. Our actions feed of each other and it was like a downward free fall. I am struggling to try and be a good wife. I feel like my husband is right back in his comfort zone and thinks everything is fine now. I still have the large sum of money. We have not discussed it or any of the hard things yet. So the divorce still could happen. I am hopeful it won't. Just as an experiment why don't you try looking as pretty as you can clean the house and cook dinner. Tell him the kids are getting suspicious and you felt you needed to put on a better front for their sakes. If you start with baby steps maybe something might happen. Don't be discouraged if he doesn't respond at first. I wrote my husband little notes every morning and at first he would tear them up and throw them all over the floor. It made him think though because one day he wanted to talk. I decided that we would not get into the you did this and you did that stuff. We are trying to grow a new garden so to speak. See if you can just open the door a crack. If you want the divorce but are just scared don't stay. Start now to protect yourself. See a lawyer either way. I don't have to be scared any more because I'll get my home which is paid for and one half a million dollars. This is what made me realize I wanted my marriage and it wasn't just security for me. Before I would have always thought it was a security issue. Do some deep soul searching and decide what you would want to happen if there were no hardships to worry about. This is were I had to start. There is alot of help out there you just have to search it out. This site has been the more helpful to me than anything. Once again ladies I am forever greatful to you all.

I know deep down that this is the right thing for us, I'm just a "Til death do us part" kinda girl. I feel like whatever is wrong we should fully commit to fixing and move forward together. I think the main thing is security ... we have nothing. No house, still making car payments on a car that has 140,000 miles on it, and we JUST bought new furniture and for the first time ever are not sitting on hand-me-downs from my relatives. I just don't know how to do this in the same house. I have taken in everything that he has said and have been doing my hair, making dinner, cleaning, etc, but I feel like out of respect, he should try to work on some of his stuff too since we have to live together indefinitely. Instead though, when I do get sad and show it, he gets mad. We split up for 3 years before, but when we got back together I thought we both knew the good, bad and ugly of each other and knew exactly what we were getting into. That's why all of this caught me off guard. I'm going to try the "church thing", but I'm not sure how I feel about that since I have NEVER gone before and have some serious disagreements with some of the teachings. I'm going to try though. It is still very scarey .. mostly because I have been with him my entire adult life (got married at 19). I want to thank everyone for their words of support, and I can't tell you how much respect I have for your strength. I hope that I can be as strong as all of you. I think once the kids are told, things will be better ... they don't hold their tongues and will be on his case even more about treating me like, for lack of a better word, ... crap. Maybe then he will actually try to be more cordial even when he isn't just trying to get me into bed. Time will tell. Thanks you again! Your strength gives me strength and I'm grateful. Does anyone have a good divorce attorney website I can visit to look up what my rights are?

I just wanted to say that I wish you all the best Kiki. I know its hard to believe right now, but you are going to be just fine. As you go through the divorce process, you are going to find strength within yourself that you didnt know you had. You have it in you..we all do.

I wonder why the kids cant know about what is happening. If they are unhappy...asking to leave the house, would it be such a bad thing? Sounds like they know that things are wrong already, so maybe it would be a positive thing in their eyes.

As far as meeting people, even if you decide that religion isnt for you, churches often have divorce meetings that have nothing to do with the church..they just meet there. Also, there are different types of churches. If you go to a few there may be one that is a good fit for you. I dont know how much time you have, but would a little volunteer work be something you could do? Maybe at a hospital, library or something like that?