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Advice?

Can anybody here give me advice? I am not sure if I have any options, or am I at a no win situation?
Basically, me and my ex divorced 5years ago. It was friendly, and mutual, so we have a shared custody, physical and legal. He is not a bad guy, but very irresponsible and unreliable. He has never cooked a meal for the kids or taken them to the doctor, he always asked someone else in his family to help with that. Oh did I mention he has no job and hasn't had one in quite some time. The kids stayed with their grandma one day out of his 3. That was ok, because he has a filthy house, no food, etc. Well, now it has gotten worse. The kids are spending a night at different places all of his 3 days, so total of 4 houses, including mine. His aunt pretty much assumes responsibility for the kids and plays part time mom. Is there anything I can do to stop this nightmare?
Thank you, any advice would be really appreciated.
Katie

Re: Advice?

I don't think you should stop the children from being with their father, but I do think it sound to be a very unstable situation that they are in with him right now. You would have to go back to court to change this, but if you see your kids are being stretched in all directions then perhaps now is the time to get a lawyer and have something done. It would be good if the two of you can work together to figure out a solution, but if not, you may have to force the issue until he has a more stable home life for the children. Just my thoughts.

Susan

Re: Advice?

Go to your local "legal service" they can help you fill all the paper work you need to enter court for that. If you can prove it.... like go to his house and actually take pictures that is great... and have witness testify that the kids are being cared for by other people not him. Not only ny his family but by stranges too. (if that is the case) Get everything in paper. When you go in front of a juidge you wont have to speak much just show all the evidences. You have a point you are worried about ur children. You should bring this to the court, you might even get full custody ... You have a good chance.

Re: Advice?

Thank you both. I don't want to take the kids from him, he has that right. I just want to see them more stable.
Katie

Re: Advice?

I agree that court would be the best thing. The kids do need stability, and they do need to see their dad, but like you said..even if he kept them, his living situation isnt suitable for them. Its great that you want to continue shared custody, but if he wants that to continue then he needs to get his act together. If he cant do that, then you just may have no choice but to pursue full custody.

Re: Advice?

This is such a bad situation for your children. You may want to temporarily have a change the two of you can agree on. I assume you are working? Could he come to your home for a few hours a day and maybe increase the number of days he sees them? Would you trust him to do this? Let him know this would only be temporary until he once again gets on his feet. I agree that the children need their father as well. I think it would be all in how you go about saying it to him. Let him know your concerned about his situation and welling to help work it out for him to still see his children. Let him know you realize he is going to have to have time to look for work which you understand is a real priority for him right now. I could not stand the conditions in which these kids are being cared for by whoever. Just try and get him on board to come up with a better solution to this. He really needs parenting classes!!!!! It sounds like he really loves the kids but he is a kid himself still.