Thank you Dis... I am seeing a therapist. As far as avoiding him, we are still living in the same house. His actions and words remind me everyday. He thinks he was the perfect husband and the perfect father. My children have suffered from what I have done because of his reaction to it and I see it in them everyday. I am trying to forgive myself, but when I see the hurt in their eyes, my guilt doubles.

He is grown man and any man worth anything is perfectly capable of controlling his reactions. You say his reaction is hurting your children. If he is taking his anger out on them, that is NOT YOUR fault. That is HIS fault and that is abusive. If he is telling you that your actions are making him do this, try to come up with an escape plan or perhaps have your kids live with a relative for awhile to get them out of harm's way or going to a women's shelter. I may be misinterpreting things a bit but it sounds like it's about control and that is always has been. If he has found that he can't control you all the time, he may resort to other ways i.e. the kids. (My stbx tried to do this through my pets by threatening to give them away or tell me they missed me because he wasn't feeding them on a regular basis.)

Be careful. Do what you can to protect yourself and your little ones. And know you aren't responsible for how he specifically treats you or the kids. You are responsible for your reactions to how he treats you and the safety and well-being of your children. It's hard overcoming guilt especially when he keeps shoving it in your face rather than looking at himself in the mirror. And your kids should kept out of it as much as possible. If he wants to take out his anger on someone, invite him to a session with the therapist (this also may help with documentation but don't know for sure.)

I'm praying for you. Wish I could do more. Sorry if I went off a bit, just really concerned about this. He sounds a lot like my stbx who is an expert manipulator. Stay strong.

We all make mistakes. You were in a bad situation and did what you felt you had to do at the time. Maybe it wasnt the best choice, but whats done is done and you cant change it. Best thing I can say is that you have to find a way to forgive yourself and move on. We've all done things that we arent proud of and wish we could take back. We are only human. Continuing to punish yourself isnt going to help anything or anyone.

Have you considered some therapy to help you work through this?

Many marriages have risen from the ashes of infidelity stronger and better than before the affair. There were issues which drove you to this affair. He is hurt which is understandable. I think a heart to heart and a demand for marriage counseling is needed here. You would both need to make the commitment to want to do the hard work to repair your relationship. This can be a win/win or a lose/lose for you both. What do you want? Tell him you want him to put aside for a few minutes his hurt and pain a look deep inside himself for what he really wants. Does he want to try and fix this or not? Love is forgiveness. Does he love you. Do you love him? You can either start rebuilding the relationship and everything that makes a family whole or you can try and end this the best you can for the sake of the children. He needs theraphy to deal with his emotions. I would own up to my responsiblities and let him know how sorry you are that you were looking for the answers in the wrong place. He needs to trust you again. This takes hard work! I had an affair the first time I was married and my oldest child was a product of that affair. My husband was in Viet Nam fighting for his survival at the time. It took me over five years of theraphy to live with myself again. Strange as it seems it was my ex who helped me the most with healing. He is a remarkable person! We did end up divorced but have been like best friends for over 37 years. He was an outstanding father and gave my daughter his name and is her father in every way! I just wanted you to know we probably all have deep dark secrets in our closets. You need to work on forgiving yourself first. This arrangement he is proposing is unexceptable for the whole family. He is still very hurt and angry. This is his way of punishing you. I don't know how long it has been since the affair happened. How did he find out? I don't think it helps to tell them about these things myself. Do you still have intimate relations with your husband? This is really going to take a therapist for both of you. Maybe you could take a time out from all this divorce talk. Ask him if he would consider to try and repair the marriage. That is if this is what you truely want to happen. He needs to have his feelings validated. Think about if it were you and he had the affair what would you do? Don't let this spoil Mother's Day for you. Try and make it a family affair. If you let them your children will forgive you. It is a hard lesson but a good life lesson for them if you and your husband can work it out.

You should have LEFT your husband before an affair bottom line....What makes it any different for a woman than our husbands having & leaving us for an affair...Just walk out then find someone.....