My ex-husband and I were married for 9 years. During that time, I was mainly a stay at home mom and he worked. He chose to work all the time and was never around or made any of the decisions. This effected our kids, especially our 10 year old. My ex left me two years ago for a doctor and they got married a year ago. They decided to get married without our, or her, children there, which thoroughly hurt and angered my boys. He then deployed for a year. While deployed, he called my kids an average of once a week. He didn't email them or write them letters. My kids again got very angry and upset because he was calling and emailing his wife and her kids (according to my kids). Now he is back. He is throwing a fit about basically anything I do. The boys go to his house and my 10 year old comes home miserable every time. He loves his dad and wants to be with him, but is having such a hard time. They go every Friday at 4, and by Saturday night he is wanting to come home. Their dad is married to someone who makes about $350,000 a year. I make about $18,000. They ask him to buy them new shoes, clothes, etc, like kids do, but his response is that he gives me child support to buy them what they want. So, then my son comes home and tells me what his dad says and wants details as to what I spend child support on. Yesterday, my son came home very depressed and angry. When I asked what was wrong, he said that dad didn't really spend any time with them and that he just drug them around shopping. I told him that that was nice of their dad to take them out to do things. He responded by telling me "Going to Zales and Bath and Body Works so that Dad can buy ******* (I won't say his wife's name) expensive gifts for Mother's Day is not fun". He then got really upset because he wants to go buy jewelry and stuff for me, so that he can make it a very special day for me too. I told him that I don't need those things and that having my boys with me is the best gift ever. This is not the first time that his dad's spending has upset him. His dad also just bought a new truck, while I continue to drive a van that barely runs. I am running out of ways to explain to my son that he doesn't need to worry about these things and tht his dad's spending doesn't effect us. He needs to be a kid and only have kid worries. He is extremely angry at his dad for so many things and I don't know how to help him. He is going to counseling and says it helps him. His dad doesn't want him going and has made that clear. This too made my son very mad. He said his dad questioned him about it this weekend and he really wanted to tell his dad to keep his nose in his own business. What do I say to that? I'm so frustrated right now. These visits every weekend are just too much for our son right now and the relationship is so damaged. I may not care for my ex, but I want him to have a good relationship with our kids, but all he is doing is damage. My ex took the kids from school one day without my permission and I had to threaten to call the police if they were not returned the next morning. He went down to our kids' room, where they were trying to sleep and told them that I was going to call the police if he saw them more than just on the weekends. Guess what that did to my kids! They were scared out of their minds and thoroughly mad at me. That's not ok!!! He should NEVER discuss our issues with the boys! How can I help my kids?

What a sad situation for your son. Youre right..he needs to be being a kid and not worrying about all of this.

Sounds like your ex wouldnt go for it, but I think it would be great if they could do some therapy sessions together. If only your ex would go and keep an open mind...listen to all of the things that your poor child has on his mind...maybe that would be an eye opener.

I just hate when the children suffer like this. I'm so sorry and hope it gets better.

Maybe it is time to go back to court. Was your child support set before his marriage to the "Dr" if so maybe that would be a factor in getting an increase. The court may force him to counseling which sure would help. He is a very selfish man! It sounds like it is almost impossible to deal with him. You are a great mom! It sounds like even with all this to deal with you are taking the high road. Happy Mother's Day.

I am so glad that you are taking your son to counseling despite ex's objections. I agree that it would be good to have a few sessions together but doubt he would go for it. Maybe the counselor will have your son write a letter to give to his dad telling him how he feels. I have done this myself and know some kids whose counselor had them do this.

If you haven't already done this I would take the divorce papers to the school and show them that you have custody during the week so that ex can't get them from school again. They will stop him in the future and YOU won't be the bad guy.

As for the financial end I wish I could tell you something helpful. I see and hear this over and over. Try explaining it in terms a 10 year old can understand. There is no need for him to know exact details. Get some play money. Make two piles, one the income in your house, one with twice as much for daddy's house (2 incomes vs one). Explain the it take so much money to pay the bills and take the same amount from each pile. Make sure your pile has some left. (My 15 year old worries about my finances, don't want to add that concern to his worries). Show him that there is more money in Daddy's pile and that is normal when there are two people bringing money in, therefore they have more money to spend on extra stuff.

Is your son getting an allowance? If not can you afford to give him one? Even if it is just $1 a week. Maybe learning that if you want something you need to save up for it would be a good lesson for him. Also then he would be able to buy Mom a gift, I know it's not important to us but it IS important to them.

Good luck and hope your son gets to feeling better about things soon. Sounds like he is a very lucky kid to have you for a Mom.

Happy Mothers Day

skcornelius my son is the same way. He worries about everything, where money is concern and he also sees the flea(ex) has more money than mommy, you are doing a great job with your son. keep him in therapy and encourage him to tell the therapist everything, how he feels and how his father makes him feel. My sons therapist told him write a letter to give to the flea, but my son is so afraid of the flea that he told the therapist NO. Keep doing the good job and encourage your kids to open up to their father. Take care

It is better for you to counsel for you to know on what to do with your children and how to learn the adjustment to the divorce. Best help if you'd check this out, divorce guide. Hope it would get better.