I apologize in advance. . .this could be long. I have been tormented the last couple weeks with a question. How could a man married for nearly 30 years go looking for someone to screw with and leave his family behind to be with her. He tells everyone it is my fault. I wasn't there enough for him. That's BS. Today at church I got my answer.

Our pastor who has been a friend since he was youth pastor for my girls told us he was sorry he wasn't doing a mother's day theme. I am so glad he continued with his messages on David. Today he talked about how David, described as a man after God's own heart fell into sin. I am sure most of you know the story of how he saw Bathsheba and slept with her and when she became pregnant tried to cover his sin. She was the wife of one of the men in David's army. He tried twice to get her husband home to sleep with her to make it look like his baby and it didn't work, so David hatched a plan to have him killed at war. He thought he was covering his sin. But God was not happy with David.

This is not my point. After going over this story, our pastor says how does a man who is described as a man after God's own heart turn into this man who went from one sin to another trying to cover his first sin? Lust. He suffered from the same issues as my stbx. Enough was never enough. So then he says, how does a man get to that point that he does something he knows is so wrong? My ears perked up. That's my question!! It's because he allows the lust to rule his life. He lets it in and shuts God out. And he rots from the inside out. Like a tree that can be blown down with a small wind. When you look inside, it is all rotten and hollow. There is my answer. Little by little my stbx rotted inside letting lust lead to sin. That's how he was capable of doing this to me and our girls.

This was my Mother's Day present from God. Not just the answer to my question, but the peace it brings. And the knowledge that it was not me. I did all I could to love him and make him happy. His pointing fingers at me has caused me shame and guilt. That is gone now, too. The rotting of his soul is what caused him to cheat and to leave. His weakness. Not mine.

I am sharing this hoping it gives someone else the peace it has brought me this day. Sending love to all my sisters in the midst of the pain of divorce.

Barb,

I can hear the same thing being said at the church that I once found comfort in. Can they ever really be happy, creating a sin, than another to cover that sin and than maybe another one again and again.

Sometimes I found comfort and other times I left crying at the church I attended. The do not quit, do not quit over and over again. I kept trying again and again for my husband. But he already quit, he created a sin and left our children and me.

The church decided for me to not return, all though God loves us and wants us to have a relationship with him not all people want a relationship with you. I am searching for another church now to return to, I have kept a faith in a higher power and now feel strong enough to put trust back into people and return to a church.

There is one thing I know my husband did not, does not love me and I deserve to be loved. And for our children that is something that they need to figure out with their father, all I can do is let them know how much I love them.

I am happy you found your answer.

Happy Mothers Day.

Thanks May. I am sorry your church treated you that way. I know how some so called Christians can be so judgemental when we are told not to be. I just started this church in January, after he left me. I have found such love and acceptance here. Hugs and how are you holding up every Sunday. I went to a womens retreat and when one woman asked my husbands name, I lost it. Told the story and never have I been treated with such compassion and love.

This church is a blessing to me. I was lucky to have found these friends to lead me here after losing touch for many years. We had left a previous church because of the behavior of many of the members. I have not attended church for many years because of the kind of treatment you had. I hope you can find a true group of Christians who will comfort you and accept you as I have found.

I got a divorce after 31 years of emotional and physical abuse. Unfortunately, the church damaged me further...www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com

My name was put up on a big screen, followed by the words, "Conduct Unbecoming a child of God." I was called to a meeting of deacons (16 men), not allowed to have a woman with me, and asked:"Are you still having sex with your ex.?!

The x abuser...was never called to a meeting......they voted me out because I allowed him to live in my house for awhile after the divorce....Initially, it was that they wuld "take it before the church" if I didn't agree to reconcile. What did they they I had been trying to do for 31 years!!?? Spiritual abuse: A wound which can never heal.