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Re: Worried about ex's stability

Do you think he is physicall dangerous? If you have an immediate concern I know the police will do a well child check (but that could make him madder). Other people in here have talked about a GAL - do you think that might help? I wish I had more advice.

Unforunately, if you think it is limited to talking bad about you and your situation, I don't know if there is much you can do. Your children will grow into adults and will be able to make their own decisions but it is a difficult road from here to there, one it seems a lot of women in here have to deal with. I hope others who have had to deal with this situation have better advice.

Teresa

Re: Worried about ex's stability

If your agreement says "every other weekend alternating" than I would say that you can make him have to stick to that. Too bad if hes mad at you.

If you wanted to pursue full custody you could opt to have a Gal get involved. You however will have to give enough for them to go on in order to prove ex as unstable. Also, we both had to agree to have a Gal put on our case, and we had to split the fee. I dont know if yours would consider that or not.

Basically they will determine the best interests of the child. From what my lawyer said, the judge in most cases goes along with their recommendation.

If youre concerned I would check with your lawyer and see what they say.

Re: Worried about ex's stability

Where I am from the system is intersted in knowing what the children want at the age of 12 yrs old and will take it into consideration.

I have a GAL involved. We both did not need to agree upon this at first. I would have been responsible for the payment of this process, this can be costly.

My lawyer said that it was risky getting a GAL involved because of many factors. I thought this would be simple he is not a good parent, and I felt he was not in a good place in his life (mentally) and it will show. A very good act was put on by him and lots of lies about me from anyone he could find.

The GAL job is to do what is in the best interest of the children and I do not feel that this is the case. I feel the GAL are there for him.

We have many people involved right now. I am exhausting all means as far is this information needs to be heard. Therapists are involved and today is the first time that I feel someone heard concerns about my children and I am hoping they will hear my children.

I hope as time passes things will get better, between him and the children.

But if they don't get better I know all this information will be in place when my children say I do not want to go anymore or less often, the courts can take all of it into consideration, the ages of the children, all the concerns.

If there is a parenting plan in place then I would follow it. You would not want to create more problems for yourself. But again your children seem old enough to be heard I would talk to a lawyer about it.

Re: Worried about ex's stability

If you are seriously concerned about his mental stability and think he could harm your children, then you must act. If he is just this way toward you, then you can decide whether or not to take action. My ex acted insane for the first 4 months after I told him I wanted a divorce. From stalking me, calling people i knew and reading/deleting my emails to harassing me on the phone and threatening to hurt people I loved. He was very controlling in our relationship so losing the control over me made him lose control over himself in a way.

Chances are, he could just be mad at you and want to hurt you. If you don't think that your kids are seriously in danger, then I think you should weigh the options of taking action. As far as your summer visitation issues, he has to abide by the courts decision. If he's unreasonable and you can't work things out, then he MUST abide by the courts ruling, no ifs, ands or buts.

I'm sorry you are going through what you are going through. Having a controlling hot-headed ex myself, I can relate to your experience and it is super hard to deal with. Hang in there. Your kids will grow up and you will have to deal with him less and less. I hope hope things get better for you.

Re: Worried about ex's stability

When Jerk would call or talk to me face-to-face, anytime no one else could hear, he would threaten me. Not physically, but I'll do this...I'll do that. I sent him a letter and cc'd it to my attorney requesting that all communication regarding the divorce be sent via e-mail or through the attorneys. We went back and forth by e-mail regarding summer visitation. I requested that if he is working or not around I can have the kids. At first he refused to answer this question, stating it is none of my business. I kept posing it. I simply did not respond to questions he had asked before and I had responded to. He became frustrated trying to communicate this way and called one night. His tone changed completely and for the last several weeks we have been able to work a lot of things out regarding the kids and the divorce settlement. He was smart enough not to threaten me by e-mail. At one point he slipped up during a phone conversation. I said, "This is why I refuse to talk to you. I refuse to sit here and be threatened by you. If you want to discuss this further, talk to your attorney." He apologized (I wonder when the last time is he's apologized for anything) and his whole tone changed.

Good luck. It really sucks! Let us know how it turns out.