Okay, this is going to sound weird. I'm not in place where I want to discuss my upcoming divorce with just anyone who asks. As I see it, I am more than my divorce, I am person who happens to be going through one to be sure, but I am not the divorce. My problem is that I have well-meaning people who have met me or known me for a while, who go on about it like the sky is falling. I get the "Isn't there anything you can do to get back together?", "Aren't you just falling apart?," "Are sure you want to go through with this?", "How can you leave him after all you two have been through?","This must be so hard for you.", and my favorite "What happened?".
Divorce is complicated and usually can't be summed up in a few words or a short story. Whenever the subject gets brought up and people poke and prod, I feel the need to fully explain the situation as fairly as possible so the person gets the full picture of what exactly happened. At first this helped. Now when people ask I find it frustrating, because I would prefer it to just stay at "I'm getting divorced." I want to move on. But it's hard when people ask either about my stbx or about my divorce.

How do you give these well-meaning but overly curious people the polite brush-off?

I would try to remain positive and polite with these people and answer something like this....

"Thank you for your kindness in caring about my divorce, but I would rather not discuss it right now because I am trying to keep myself positive in a tough situation."

This way you let them know you don't want to tell them anything and yet they do not feel bad about asking because you see it has a "caring gesture" on their part.

Susan

People can be rude and insensitive. YOUR choice, is to not feed into that by responding.

If you feel you want to tell someone you are getting a divorce, simply say that, and that you don't want to discuss it. Period. End. Done.

If someone persists in questioning, simply say.....Please respect my wishes/privacy.

Keep it short and simple. you don't NEED to explain yourself to ANYone, that is, unless you want to. That would be a never ending chore.

You need all of your emotional resources JUST to go thru this. I know, I got a divorce after 31 years (of abuse).....most everyone knew why, because I had talked about it years previous.

Keep your boundaries, keep yourself mentally safe.....

NO ONE knows what your marriage is like except you. This is YOUR business and yours alone...Don't waste energy explaining yourself.

Tell them the truth--That it just did not work out.

Or better yet--it was all his fault--ha ha.
sam

Its not weird at all. This is a personal, private matter and we have every right to pick and choose what we tell and to whom. Unfortunately you sound like me in that I often say too much myself. I'm trying to break myself of that.

I had a good time thinking up some replies to your questions.

Getting back together: Thats not an option.

Arent you falling apart: Why would I do that?

Are you sure about this: Of course I am.

After all you've been through: We've decided this is best for both of us.

This is hard for you: I'm doing just fine.

What happened: We've chosen not to disucss that...or my personal favorite...Why do you want to know?

Sometimes it can be awkward for other people who want to provide support but don't know what to say. It is personal + you shouldn't have to feel pressured to say anything. I usually say It's difficult for me to talk about right now. Other brief + to the point comments *I am trying to put the past behind me + move on. *I am trying to focus on myself right now. It's really no one's business what went on behind close doors. If your friends are respectful, they will understand. If not, then those aren't the friends you want to have

Thanks everyone for all of your suggestions. :) This really helps.