lm 34 years old..being married for 5 year and l have two beautiful kids..my marriage is dead since the begining when l discover he cheated.. .he does pot and plays videogames everytime he has free time..sex life? None! l feel he does not love me..but he says he does..sometimes l want to believe things are going to get better but we went for counseling advice for a year and l still feel the same...is there anybody out there in the same situation lm in? l need some support because l want to get divorse but lm so scare of the consecuences.
Yes it is scary. Its a big insecurity. But you need to be happy and being with someone that makes you
miserable is just going to continue to bring you down. And he has destroyed your trust. Some ppl are forgiving, but I am not one of them. I will never trust my stbx ever again. There is nothing to salvage. I off and on consider staying with mine only for financial security and that is a very strong pull for me, but I have to let him go. I hope someday I can find someone that truly loves me and respects me and I will never find that if I stay married to my H. I think we all deserve to be happy. It hurts like crazy but the pain does start to subside. I thought I would never be able to stop crying but almost three months later, Im getting better and the pain is slowly going away. Hang in there and know that its going to be one of the hardest things you ever do, but it will give you a chance to find the one you should be with :)
This sounds so stupid to say, but when I told my sister that I was debating divorce, she told me to make a pros and cons list. When I finally did, I had 7 reasons to stay, and 23 to leave. It was eye-opening to be able to see it on paper...all of the reasons I was unhappy.
It is scary to think about leaving, but isnt your happiness worth it? Sure its a tough road but in the long run you will be better off.
yes..l did that..as a matter of fact, l read a book called "to good to leave, to bad to stay" and it did clear my mind about what l want..but when l think about my kids..that they will grow up "without their father", make me feel so F@#$% guilty..and l know my H will make me feel that way :(
Should l wait to get divorse when my kids are old enough to understand?..or should l do it while they are little?
I made the list too, it really helped me during all of the times I doubted that it was the right thing.....and I was the one who not only needed to get out of abuse I also really wanted it to end. I still found the list helpful for months and years later when still waiting for a divorce.
I struggled with leaving because of my son too. In fact, I stayed with him alot longer for that very reason. All I can say is that a bad situation isnt going to get any better, and will most likely get worse. This isnt good for you and it isnt good for you children either. Kids pick up on the vibes in the house and they know when things arent right. It actually could be more detrimental to them if you stay.
On top of this, you are unhappy. Of course you want to put your children first, but you also want to be the very best mom that you can be for them. If you are sad, stressed, depressed, than that is taking energy from you that you can be putting into doing for yourself and them.
In the end, I figured that he would be better off with two happy parents who lived apart, rather than two miserable parents living together.