Oh my gosh Dina! I'm so sorry. I hope that your girls have gotten help to deal with all that was done and that they are doing ok.
How you feel is totally understandable. I too miss being married. I'm sure its even more hard for you because he was your first love. Just because of what he did...your feelings and the mourning over the end of the relationship doesnt go away just like that.
Please try to have faith that this wont be forever. Although we all ended up with men who hurt us, there are alot of good ones out there. You will find someone one day..someone who will be true to you and good to your children. It may take a while and it will be hard..and lonely too, but you did the right thing and will find your happiness.
Thank you all for your kind words. I am glad I found this website. I was just needing someone to talk to that could understand. I have friends that are divorced but they are all passed this point or they were glad to be done with it all. Although my husband did what he did, it doesnt make it any less painful to lose a relationship. I spent 23 years of my life with this man and there are feelings and emotions that cannot and do not disappear over night. I am trying to keep myself busy, going to school to get my teaching degree, working, raising my kids. Itis hard but I am taking it day by day. Constantly praying God will give my heart freedom from this. Thanks again for all your kind words.