I thought I had better start a new post instead of adding into someone elses, I am not sure what the correct protocol is for adding to others posts, so I just started our own.
I have often wondered about you and your boys, just knowing your ex and how controlling he wanted to be, hopefully you boys can now see the difference in being satisfied in life and always having to seek more. this worried me that they were boys and he was always wanting more, would they also think it was okay. I think the best thing we can do for our children is pray that their little hearts heal and grow to honor and fear the Lord.
last weekend on mothers day I took your name to church and put it in our prayer box. I had just read a post of yours that you were getting closer to being ready for a man to come into your life so i prayed for him to find you, I also asked the church to pray that you would recognize him when he arrives (not sure why I felt this was necessary but I added it to your list).
You words have always been so kind and soothing to me and I look forward to reading your posts that you write to others. Have you ever considered writing a book, I would think you could write a good one on the gift of patience, kindness, meakness and self control in the misr of a storm.
Anyway thanks for writting back and I look forward to hearing from you again in the many other womens posts, I know they appreciate it inmore ways than you will ever know.
has Laurie made an appearance lately> i ofter wonder about her and her daughter.

ld,

I was thinking the same thing about starting a new post so as not to overtake someones posting as well. I want to thank you so much for keeping me in your prayers. I am now at that point where I have had some time to find myself again and to let go of my ex, but it is hard to find time to focus on myself with raising the boys and dealing with all that I was left to deal with. I know I am ready if God brings someone into my life now, but I will leave it in God's hands and time. There are still a few things on my plate that I need to deal with, but that empty sorrow is gone and I trust God's judgement better than my own. Thank you again for thinking of this and me. I do feel that I am ready for another phase or step in my life. I know my boys will have a life of their own in a few years and even if I have to start at the bottom again to build up a new life I have been there before and God has always heard my prayers. Even though my divorce was the most devastating thing in my life, I now see so many blessing come out from the ashes. I have met people here on the forum as well as just learning to talk to people here and there where ever I go. I have become more open, more relaxed, more at peace with things and so many other blessing that I could go on and on. Maybe someday I may even think about writing a book because there is so much I would love to share with others. I am a person that needs time to heal and that is what these past few years have been for me and my children. I think by taking this time it has saved me from rushing into something that may have not been right for me. I think I am ready to move on some more at this point. I hope you are doing well in your life also. I know your ex used to hover in your space and have issues with you. Hope he is still not sneaking around invading you space. I hope you are finding peace and joy as well. I also want to thank you for all the knowledge and information you give us on so many issues. Every time someone asks about loans, laws, court, divorce
issues, I think, "ld would know this one." I have not seen Lori on here since about a year ago or so. I do email Susie and she is still cancer-free and doing great. I think God has a special blessing on this forum and leads us all to one another.

Susan

Hi, I am new to this site and to the realization that I am indeed getting divorced. I see that you have boys and I am really in need of advice. We have not told our 3 sons yet (16, and 14 year old twins) and I really do not know what to say to them or how to say it. They are going to be devastated. Do you have any advice? We are planning on telling them together. Thank you.

My boys were 7 and 11 when we told them. We sat down together and Jerk told them that sometimes something just doesn't work out as you have planned and that our marriage was one of those things. We reassured them that no part of this is their fault and that everything would be OK. We told them what we knew in terms of living arrangements. Even at 14 and 16, kids will first wonder what will happen to them. So anything you can tell them that will make them feel safe and secure is important. Be prepared for them to be angry. Answer their questions, but don't give them too much information. Wishing you the best. Welcome to this site. If you have to go through this, this is a great place to be. Let us know how it goes for you.

Thank you. I am incredibly worried and never thought I would be here. I gave up 17 years as a stay at home mom and stood by him through his functioning alcoholism while always protecting our kids from the truth. Telling my poor boys will be the hardest thing I believe I will ever do. I look forward to hearing everyones thoughts and experiences. It is really too bad there are not more local divorce groups. I live in Michigan and I found one at a church, but that was all. Again, thank you and I wish you the best.

Becky has given you some good advice. My boys were much younger when this all began, but Becky is right. I would also add to her advice by saying you may also want outside support for your boys because you and your husband are right in this situation with them so they may need support from the outside as well. You can do this by informing their school counselors so that if something comes up or the boys want to talk they have someone at school that knows what is going on. It also helped my boys to have family counseling. It is good if they share things alone with a counselor and then you all sit down as a family with a counselor and talk together as well. You may or may not see issues with your children after you tell them, but from what I have experienced it was good for my kids to have more support from the outside as well...relatives can be to close at times. Most churches also provide support for families and children as well. Just try to make them feel as safe and stable as you can by surrounding them with guidance and love.

Susan

What you wrote to Susan was so lovely and heart warming, I just wanted to comment.

I've written a book, Sanctuary of the Soul (poems of anguish, healing, hope, comfort and celebration): www.soulpoetry.org

Have also written my memoir: Ghost Child to Triumph (from a child with no voice, to someone who speaks up against injustice)....not published yet. I am humbled and amazed at my endorsements: Elie Wiesel, Wayne Dyer, Nikki Giovanni, Drs. Alice Miller, Larry Dossey, etc., etc.....

Divorced after 31 years of abuse and then abused by a church (spiritual abuse is a wound which can never heal): www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com

I won a scholarship because of what I wrote about my life and am in school at ge 64! I believe we are here to make a difference.

Blessings to you!

Hugs, Alice

You are an inspiration to us all Alice. It is nice to hear positive things about our lives on this forum as well. I hope you continue to write, because I know there are so many people out there who are going through what we are and other heartaches as well. That is one thing about women I have discovered in life. We can come together and support each other in so many different ways. I think our emotions help us all bond in ways men will never understand.

Susan

Hugs to you, (((Susan))): You are a dear! Yes, no men can ever understand the bond between women....even if we are just words on a screen, we so get it!!

We are a sisterhood.

Love, Alice