Susan, reading your post hit me like a hammer to the head. I am in that space now. I have finally had my eyes opened by God to see exactly how I have been abused/cheated/deceived by my husband. I found out a week ago that he has a new girlfriend who is 15yrs younger than me with a child. This to me is still Adultery just like the other one he had the affair with, nothing but Adultery.

To say this almost made me collapse in a heap and hide from the world, at least I now know he has moved on and is not coming back to me. I did everything I could to hang onto my marriage of 21yrs, but he couldn't have cared less if I had drowned! I am drowning in sorrow now feeling stupid for thinking that he still cared about me. Now all I feel like old used goods and not worth anything.

I am like Alone on this post, was trying my hardest to keep my marriage, but now I have to admit ITS OVER!
I have no option now but to look after me and its only been with prayer and Gods guidance that my EYES ARE NOW WIDE OPEN!

Why did I waste my time on such a loser? I feel so stupid, but he is the perfect manipulator, he has proven that.

The icing on the cake for me was he took his new mattress to his mothers 70th birthday celebration to meet his family! That was the nail in the coffin, total disregard for me and how I would feel. I am also feeling very betrayed by my in-laws, how could they allow their son to bring another GIRL into their home when he still has a wife?

Well now its all about me, as much as it hurts, I know the pain will ease. Love to all on this site for healing and happiness

I signed his separation agreement without legal advice because I just couldn't handle his pressure tactics and his accusations that I was trying to ruin him professionally and financially. I gave up and I gave in to him. The agreement is all about him and I now foolishly will pay as a result of signing. If you can work it out with him, all the power to you. We started with a verbal agreement but when I got the document it was so much different. Be careful and make sure your rights are protected. Write everything you agree to down and both of you need to sign it. Then take it to a lawyer and have it formalized....

Yes, I know what you mean. We talked and had a verbal agreement at first too but when the papers came it was pretty much his opinion of how he wanted things to be. What he says now is "it's everything we talked about." Yes, it is evertything we "talked about". But it's not what we agreed to. We will be talking again soon.

We just signed our papers last week. It's been 13 months since he moved out. He wanted a quicky divorce. He thought I'd panic and go along with anything he came up with. I didn't crumble and he had a much bigger fight than he expected. He left in April and each month told me to tell him home much $ I needed and he'd transfer it into a joint account. I'd pay mutual bills from that. That worked well for awhile. I always had proof of where every dime he gave me went. Then, in September, he decided the divorce should be finalized and that he wouldn't give me another dime until it was. So come October the mortgage went unpaid, as did many credit card bills. (Of the 3 cards in my name, 2 of them I never used. He used them and the debt is in my name. How stupid was I?) So the house comes close to foreclosure before my attorney threatens his attorney with a court date and Jerk finally coughs up child support and temporary support with the mortgage. He was trying to bully me at every turn. I knew he was anxious to settle this, so I waited him out. I sent him a proposal. There were 2 points on there I knew he'd dislike, but my attorney advised me to ask for them anyway...you never know. I was right-he didn't like it. So I once again waited him out. When he began to verbally threaten me with thigs I wouldn't get, etc., I sent him a letter and cc'd it to my attorney, stating that any communication we had regarding the divorce would be handled via e-mail or through the attorneys, and that I refused to tolerated any more of his verbal abuse. So the e-mails back and forth started. I'd wait a few days before responding to him (hey, 2 can play that game ) and it drove him crazy. He called one day and asked if we could discuss this. I reminded him that I refused to tolerate being threatened any longer. The phone conversation was relatively productive. Then, a couple of weeks later he asked if he could come over and if we could sit down and finalize our ideas. He promised me, unprompted by me, that it would be of a friendly nature and we could stop the conversation at anytime. We did sit down and finalize things then and there. I had to give in on a few points I didn't really want to, but I would have lost those in court had I gone in front of a judge so I figured I'd might as well agree. My attorney reviewed it and there was nothing in there that looked like blazing guns so I did sign it.

Once again this all-about-me-post does have a point. I did throw up the white flags, but not because I had to but because the time had come and I was OK with the outcome. If it is really OK, then I'd say go for it. If it is because you are exhausted and want to be done at all costs...patience does pay off. Let us know how it goes.

Hello Mrs. Miller,

If it helps, I think you are a good Mom. You may be fighting two battles...one in the divorce and the other one over your ex. A part of you may still be holding onto hope that things will go back to normal and when he called you names, ..well..that hurts.

Custody arrangements such as him picking up your son and going to his family should be his responsibility. If he forgets, then that's fine....just let him do it on his own.

If you can come to an agreement, it is easier on the pocket book...but if not, then the lawyers will deal with it...one way or another, it will be resolved.

Hang in there.