Not mine, his. I finally went to speak with an attorney to see about a legal separation. I can't do a divorce because I would loose all of my military retiree spouse health benefits. I told her some of the things he did during our marriage and bless her heart, she confirmed for me that he is manic depressive. I've told him that for years but he always refuses help and won't admit he has a problem.

I got a letter form him yesterday that would have been funny if it wasn't so sad. He wants me to forgive him while he tries to find his place with God. This is the same man who convinced our Priest that the only problems in our marriage were my bad attitude and I talk evil all the time.

I am on disability, have a medical revue this fall and I have no idea what I will do if something happens to my social security. I haven't worked for 8 years. I don't know how I let myself get into this mess and to see 28 yrs go down the tubes because of mental illness and NOT feel guilty is really, really hard.

Is there anyone else who has dealt with mental illness during their marriage?

Hi Lynn,

Yes, it is hard not to feel guilty. However, please remember everyone is responsible for his/her own actions or non-actions. You cannot take responsibility for anyone else except for yourself and your minor children. If you cannot help but feel guilty, then don't chase that feeling away, instead let it be felt as long as it needs to be felt. It will end. Best wishes.

"To Our Inner Peace"
Mai Bordelon :)
The Coach for Divorced Women
http://thecoachfordivorcedwomen.com
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520-481-1201

My ex-husband was in the Navy, but was "passed over" for promotion and had to leave after 10 yrs.,
he spent the rest of his Navy career in the reserves. His retirement was a lump sum and it was the downpayment on the house years ago. He has Asperger's Autism with a higher level of intelligence. In the divorce I got the house and he got his retirement. After he dies, I get his Social Security because it was a 21 yr. marriage. I can only work part time because I am somewhat disabled and I stayed home for 10 yrs. to raise our daughter who was 18 at the time of the divorce. I know people who are manic depressive and religion does help them a lot, but you have already suffered from his nastyness which they have when untreated with meds. or religion. I am not a religious person. You can get your own Health Ins. via USAA if he was an Officer. No amount of money is worth the abuse people with that disorder can dish out. It is not their fault, I know, but by not taking care of it, it becomes a major problem and the disorder causes them to blame everyone else - it's a symptom. I urge you to seek counselling for yourself to get through this.

I can't purchase other health insurance because of pre-existing conditions. The attorney thought I should just let it ride for now and wait him out. She doesn't think he will do anything because then he couldn't blame me. She said if I just packed up and moved there wouldn't be anything he could do about it. So far I don't think that is an answer, but ask me again next week.

I was happy he was turning to religion since he wouldn't turn to any therapy. But I NEVER expected him to use it as a weapon.

I'm just so darned tired of being the one who has to clean up all of his messes. When do I get to run away from home and let someone else do the hard work?

I know how you feel, after putting your entire life into this marriage and then at the end you are either given the shaft or given the $hit, it is hard to tell anyone that it is better to go away from the abuse than to stay for any amount of money or benefits, they are wrong, when you have zero and they have it all it sucks. Somewhere somehow once you hit that magic number of years you get to keep benefits. The income, we put in our years and somehow we end up with the short end of everything when usually we do it all.