There is nothing wrong with you it is him! I wish I had the power to make us all not care anymore about these poor excuses for men. A real man doesn't have such a fragile ego and can love just one women. They can grow to appreciate even more the one who is there and was there for them. I understand the crushing pain that comes with betrayal. We all have suffered and still are suffering from this. It is easy for us to sit back and judge your actions but we do the same thing. We grasp at any sign the nightmare will end. Even if it does the damage has been done. I will also pray for you. We all know in our hearts that our marriages are over. It just hurts to much right now to admit it.
There is absolutly nothing wrong with you. Dont ever think that. God's plan is that we stay with the men that we marry, that is why we fall the way we do.Does it mean that we must stay through all the garbage? No. Trust me, I know of which I speak. I stayed through years of cheating, everything from affairs to prostitutes. I even tried to make it work after he molested two of our children. How much is too much? That is the question. I am sure the answer is different for all of us. For me it was far more then most women and for you it needs to be what you decide. If he is not willing to give her up then only you can decide how much more you are willing to take. My problem was that I am a Christian and I was a firm believer that God hates divorce, and I know it is true. But I also know that he loves me more then he hates divorce. He is a gracious and merciful God that loves us more then we could imagine. He wants us to be whole but the answer to that wholeness if different for each of us. Maybe taking a stand and letting him know that as long as she is in the picture there is no hope for you marriage. If he gets angry and rejects it then that might be your answer. My husband had such a HUGE sexual addiction there was nothing I could do to compare. The sad part is that the same merciful God that loves me, loved him enough to heal his addiction.He is not the same man now but his actions fractured our family so much that no matter how much we loved each other it could not work. The law says we cannot be together. God loves you and is for you no matter what your decision. He loves you not matter how it ends up. We ask ourselves "What is wrong with me that I cant let go?" I asked myself "What is wrong with me that I dont feel I deserve better then a child molestor?" Truth be told, God loves us so much that he wants us to have more. More in life and love, even if it only with Him. Dont go by feeling because they will always lie to you. Trust God and let him lead you.
Just a side note...I did not mean to say that it is sad that God loves my ex. What I meant to say is that God loved him enough to deliver him but we still cant be together. He is a good man now but our lives have been forever altered and fractured by his actions and that changed everything for us.