Yes, I know what you mean. We talked and had a verbal agreement at first too but when the papers came it was pretty much his opinion of how he wanted things to be. What he says now is "it's everything we talked about." Yes, it is evertything we "talked about". But it's not what we agreed to. We will be talking again soon.

We just signed our papers last week. It's been 13 months since he moved out. He wanted a quicky divorce. He thought I'd panic and go along with anything he came up with. I didn't crumble and he had a much bigger fight than he expected. He left in April and each month told me to tell him home much $ I needed and he'd transfer it into a joint account. I'd pay mutual bills from that. That worked well for awhile. I always had proof of where every dime he gave me went. Then, in September, he decided the divorce should be finalized and that he wouldn't give me another dime until it was. So come October the mortgage went unpaid, as did many credit card bills. (Of the 3 cards in my name, 2 of them I never used. He used them and the debt is in my name. How stupid was I?) So the house comes close to foreclosure before my attorney threatens his attorney with a court date and Jerk finally coughs up child support and temporary support with the mortgage. He was trying to bully me at every turn. I knew he was anxious to settle this, so I waited him out. I sent him a proposal. There were 2 points on there I knew he'd dislike, but my attorney advised me to ask for them anyway...you never know. I was right-he didn't like it. So I once again waited him out. When he began to verbally threaten me with thigs I wouldn't get, etc., I sent him a letter and cc'd it to my attorney, stating that any communication we had regarding the divorce would be handled via e-mail or through the attorneys, and that I refused to tolerated any more of his verbal abuse. So the e-mails back and forth started. I'd wait a few days before responding to him (hey, 2 can play that game ) and it drove him crazy. He called one day and asked if we could discuss this. I reminded him that I refused to tolerate being threatened any longer. The phone conversation was relatively productive. Then, a couple of weeks later he asked if he could come over and if we could sit down and finalize our ideas. He promised me, unprompted by me, that it would be of a friendly nature and we could stop the conversation at anytime. We did sit down and finalize things then and there. I had to give in on a few points I didn't really want to, but I would have lost those in court had I gone in front of a judge so I figured I'd might as well agree. My attorney reviewed it and there was nothing in there that looked like blazing guns so I did sign it.

Once again this all-about-me-post does have a point. I did throw up the white flags, but not because I had to but because the time had come and I was OK with the outcome. If it is really OK, then I'd say go for it. If it is because you are exhausted and want to be done at all costs...patience does pay off. Let us know how it goes.

Hello Mrs. Miller,

If it helps, I think you are a good Mom. You may be fighting two battles...one in the divorce and the other one over your ex. A part of you may still be holding onto hope that things will go back to normal and when he called you names, ..well..that hurts.

Custody arrangements such as him picking up your son and going to his family should be his responsibility. If he forgets, then that's fine....just let him do it on his own.

If you can come to an agreement, it is easier on the pocket book...but if not, then the lawyers will deal with it...one way or another, it will be resolved.

Hang in there.